[a little after the locations are revealed, shadowheart can be found in the church. she's changed into a change of clothes, and she clearly thinks she's alone. she's got a glass with her that seems like it came from the bar, and she's standing on one of the pews, inspecting one of the axolotl windows up close carefully, running a finger along the glass.
and then she appears to be startled when someone comes in after her.]
Ah, hello! I was just looking for someplace to be alone with my thoughts for a moment.
Ah, yes. I almost find it comforting. Yesterday, speaking with everyone - most of us were so level-headed about death. Though I can't say I endorse clogging toilets and setting fires, it's good to know not all of us are so easily appeased.
I had a task to fulfill. I failed at it. Or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say, I faltered. I wanted answers, so I hesitated at a critical moment, and now I'm here, with no answers to speak of.
[let's use the new locations so this is out near the entrance to the lighthouse, but shadowheart has stopped her exploring around when she's suddenly been overcome by affection week. she hears a chirping sound from a bush as the owlbear cub comes trundling back out from whatever pile of trash it was rooting around, some french fries in his mouth.
and shadowheart instantly starts talking to him in a baby voice]
There you are! Getting into trouble, are you? Don't get me kicked out of here, please.
[she will also throw her arms around his fluffy neck and start petting his feathers while she continues to baby voice at him.]
[ He walks into this and he does not feel any semblance of feeling like he walked into anything he should not see. This is respectable behaviour. She's right. ]
He was captured by some goblins, they were training him to fight. We wound up freeing him and feeding him a bit, so he follows us. Not exactly tame, though.
[ It doesn't deter him from petting Owlbear any less but he does give off soft dang energy. And then as if realising he's been doing this a little too overlong: ]
Oh -- sorry. If I was interrupting you from anything.
[ Looking at her a little concerned like. Are we gonna wake up one of these days to you having a huge chunk bitten out of you?? He looks at the little fluffball like you shouldn't do that she's very nice. ]
It is a thing, in the scripture. The Garden of Eden, and the snake that tempted humanity's first sin, to disobey by eating fruit from the forbidden tree...
[ Sometimes I am like I better not assume the Funger Bible is the same because this world is sooo fucked up! and then I remember Marcoh literally namedropped Sodom and Gomorrah so I'm like I guess it's just the fucking Bible. Whatever! Whatever!!! Claims this knowledge because apparently it's coming in handy!!! ]
Signs are pointing to that they should probably know what that tree means, if they know the basics of it. Every child in the Vatican knows about the Garden of Eden at the least.
Lots of nasty sacrifices, piles of corpses left littered everywhere? I follow Shar. She has subtlety and does not wish to be given someone's entrails as an offering.
[she just wants them destroyed psychologically and then maybe also still killed.]
A little bit. Grandpa told me it was a bit like that in the olden days. Things like that died out in most of the modern world [ 1942 ] but I learned some places apparently still do it.
Most are not picky. Many Dark Priests worship more than one. They say Rher is jealous, but more that he does not want to share power, less about having believers.
... She communicates with you often? Your Lady Shar?
[she sounds... totally sincere? she's smiling, looking around. the cards are fine with her. there's just something about the chaos of it all, how unsettling but aesthetically beautiful it all is.]
[ He looks at her and seems a little softer himself for it. He's glad, genuinely, that somebody is finding some peace after these tough days, and he likes Shadowheart. ]
I think what I like best about this place is that I'm not afraid of it. So many of you seem so unsettled by it, but there's nothing in it that holds any fear for me.
[she keeps wandering with no obvious destination in mind.]
We've both talked about our faith, but I never wanted to admit it. I was consumed by the fear that I'd been abandoned by my goddess. That if she still wanted me, then I wouldn't be here.
When you say you didn't think you'd go here... did you think you'd be punished for something? [or maybe more importantly.] Do you believe your god loves you? Actually loves you?
...Being loved by gods isn't normal. Not personally. Except for Sylvian, the old god of love, but even then her definition isn't like what you should expect from people.
With the right prayers and affinity, they will sometimes answer you with their blessings. But if you're asking if I've ever heard Alll-mer speak to me, then no.
If you feel that way, then there has to be something to it. You believe in her. If you haven't done anything wrong in your Lady's eyes, then I don't see why she would.
I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't done anything I need to repent for. Just because I had private doubts and private failings doesn't mean I failed her.
I don't know why I wasted so much time consumed that I'd be judged on those things. In my actions, I was always her champion. And I know now, with certainty, that is enough.
[ Marcoh's just a regular believer. Shadowheart, on the other hand, sounds like she's something more along the lines of a High Priestess. That's pretty cool, honestly. ]
As a Dark Justiciar, I serve as Shar's voice in places she can't reach. I want to spread her darkness here.
This botched redemption trial is the perfect opportunity, isn't it? Everyone will be searching for something else, some other way to find meaning, in the wake of these failures.
[ Oh like a missionary almost... he just nods at the phrase 'spread her darkness', that's obviously totally normal. He's not a priest himself but he gets it's like a whole thing they do. ]
...I guess so, yeah. Coming from where you are.
[ Though, mm. Sounds like a lot of people are lowkey becoming god-haters in real time. ]
I think, if you have done wrong, it is something you will know. You did say if she is displeased, she would let you know.
And she has before, but I was naive. I hadn't seen much of the world. When I first began traveling, I was taken by ideas that I knew didn't suit a cleric of Shar, but I thought there was no harm in dabbling in those thoughts.
I used to disagree. I used to find it repulsive, sometimes. I would do as I had to do, but inside, every time, I felt no relief, no satisfaction, only pain.
But I've overcome that. I prayed for my doubts to be quieted, and they were.
He's generally fairly open-minded if not closed-world. But something about this seems to give him pause, his pace slowing and falling a little behind. ]
If you didn't want to, then you shouldn't have to?
[ GIRL YOUR STOCKHOLM GET OUTTA THERE JENNY we'll make a Selunite out of you yet. Anyway his general respect of her has suddenly turned into something kind of very concerned. Blink twice if you need help. ]
[so, she does have context for organized crime syndicates, and what they'll do to you if you don't obey.]
I didn't realize, though it makes some sense. You're so strong. [the scariest part is she's not, for once, saying that like she's objectifying him.] Then these activities were - maybe not officially sanctioned, by approved by the church?
I spent a long time pretending that I was her devoted servant, all while believing fully that I was already lost in her eyes, that I'd been thrown away.
I didn't want to admit it outloud to anyone. It would make it more permanent, and I was still clinging to hopes I could somehow undo what I believed I'd done.
[she blinks to herself, finding herself a little confused the longer this conversation goes on - not remembering even what she was professing to believe, or whether it felt right.
[ This tracks, his views are in shambles too. But it's also probably an effect of him not being good at getting things across very well with words. All he's thinking about is how coercion to do what you don't like or else is not great. ]
I don't know much about your God or your beliefs, but... I've never had a family, I've never had siblings to care for. If I did, and anyone was trying to take that away from me, I'd fight for them with everything I have.
[so whatever the church might say, she doesn't judge him.]
[she doesn't have any specific reason to think it's not true.]
But they don't always tell the truth. So maybe part of me liked to think it wasn't. Even if realistically, that would only mean that the family I did have abandoned me or never looked for me.
[she never thought much about what it would be like to have a brother or sister, but when she sees fidelio and basilio, or hears marcoh talk about his, she does feel envious, even if in both cases it seemed to lead them to fear over losing them.]
[ Another week another SUCKS TO BE HERE. Marcoh is in the Church, but like, in the back and in a corner. Would be easily missable if he wasn't a giant brick of a guy.
It's normal to go to church on a Sunday right? So. Not that he looks like he's really doing much than just sitting there staring hard at the altar up front (I am ASSUMING there is an altar up front). ]
[ It really is so funny when you're forced to go somewhere your character otherwise would not go to. Well dang he's been spotted. ]
Shadowheart.
[ He nods back to her. Don't let him stop you from finding items you dropped out of your inventory to make room for evidence checks so you can hover over them and read the descriptions. ]
...Yes? [marcoh.] I was going on and on about Sharran nonsense, how I'd found my true purpose and was planning to convince everyone else to embrace darkness? While making you wander in the woods with me?
[welcome to the memory zone... i'm throwing us right into it. she opens a door and they appear in the funhouse.
(you can watch this video for visuals / atmosphere if you like).
The memory is unfocused, hazy around the edges, something that happened long ago and is half forgotten, as though some of the glass on the funhouse mirrors is fogged or hazy. Maybe if you explore down a particular path, more will come to light, but for now, you follow.
A little girl wanders the forest, lost and fearful. It’s a cool night, not cold, but enough to shiver from the wind. It is pitch black except for the full, bright moon overhead, but the trees here loom impossibly tall overhead, nearly blocking out the light. She’s obviously worried, but not afraid. She keeps looking up at the sky, checking the position of the moon, taking a certain direction. She chews her lip and looks uncertain with herself, and she’s cut and bloodied her face from a branch, but she keeps wandering.
There’s no way to tell why this child is lost here, whether she’s been abandoned or left here on purpose or if there’s some other reason. There are a few branching side paths that maybe reflect thoughts, memories of earlier that night, of the reason, but Shadowheart - the real Shadowheart beside you - doesn’t choose to look that way, as she suddenly freezes in complete terror.
Bounding out from the woods is a large wolf. Impossibly large, really, imagined here the way it looked to the child it was looming over, much bigger and fiercer than her. The child is frozen as well. The wolf’s golden eyes are trained on her, fierce and dangerous, its teeth bared. As it pads slowly towards her, its ears press back and its tail swishes back and forth. Not even the posture of an animal hunting prey, but an animal itching for a fight, making itself an obvious threat.
Tears are rolling down the girl’s cheeks and she stumbles backwards, trembling. But then she realizes, behind her, is a woman in a mask, who puts a gentle hand on her shoulder.
And then there’s a path out of this section of mirrors, and a feeling like you must take it, you must leave this memory, because the only other direction to turn is down a dark, dark corridor and everything is telling you that you don’t want to go that way. Whatever memories continue on in that direction, they're hidden, and perhaps they should remain hidden. But Shadowheart is still frozen from fear at the sight of the wolf, so she has not yet left this memory behind.]
[ Marcoh senses he is going to get tired real quick of constantly running into mazes the entire week long. Even more of the strange feeling of not knowing whether he should be treading on these things he's seeing, especially with how the people beside him react.
He remembers that girl from the other day, small and scared. He promised he'd protect her from it, which would usually mean that he would just outright punch a mirror the wolf is reflected in and break it, but apparently that might cause Shadowheart to kind of forget that memory so that's really up to you . . .
Either way, he thinks maybe it's best they don't linger. ]
Shadowheart.
[ A little louder and firmer than how he usually speaks -- your attention. ]
[he can punch the mirror if he wants. if that's what he would do, i would allow it.
shadowheart is frozen a bit. not just the little girl, but the adult. she is completely terrified of wolves, and she needs to make a wisdom saving throw.]
[this is just the last wolf memory chronologically now.
and anyway, i'm going to say he punches this memory right in a mirror with the wolf. the wolf is gone - more of a nightmare creature than a real animal, too large and snarling and terrifying. she's fought monsters, demons, terrible enemies, ones far bigger than this thing, but even now there's nothing that frightens her more than this particular memory, is still frozen in place when she sees one.
but he shatters that mirror, and the wolf is gone from the memory. instead, there's just a girl in a forest, and a woman in a hood and mask. and while the woman appears to be calming her, the story is a little different without the wolf in it. now it's the story of a lost child who was taken by these people.
on a mirror on the other side there's an older elven man, instead. he has long dark hair and a lined face and worried eyes. there's a human woman by her side, a little younger in appearance though likely not in years, with bright green eyes. it's just a glimpse of them, telling the girl to be safe, to remember her lessons, to return home soon.
and then it's all gone.
shadowheart comes out of her fear response, unsure what she was even frightened of, the wisps of the nightmare she was focused on fading away.]
[oh. well, she already knows this story. but it's different to watch it, to see the circumstances. to know that his sister wasn't only threatened, but threatened by a man she believes loves her.
she will take his arm, place her hand gently on it.]
[ He definitely looks a way, a little pale and at a loss for words, stuck staring at the beaten down corpse in the middle of the ring. He seems too in shock to be seeing this again to pay attention to the rest of it, to the victory announcement, the scattered whoops, Riccardo's smile. That is, somehow, probably for the better. ]
[ He follows but he does seem a little bit apprehensive, looking at Shadowheart like he's trying to scry anything about what she thinks behind what he says. ]
If you'd stuck to your morals, and your sister had paid a price for it, I can't imagine you'd have fewer regrets than you do now. Sometimes there's only making the best out of a series of bad options.
[ He was absently commenting on something else, which is my fault because I got my streams crossed a little bit, but it's fine it works. ]
I should've intervened sooner. I knew nothing good would come out of dating a mobster. But she... she seemed happy. When he was nice. That's all I ever wanted for her.
I do think a firm brotherly hand about dating violent men is not an unkindness.
[but a small smile.]
Though that's why I wonder, if she would have listened - I don't know many women who do run their romantic choices by their protective brothers. [it's sort of the cliche.]
...I don't feel bad about killing Riccardo. I don't think I could.
[ No, one reminder of his fakely bright smile as he brought up his sister's name is enough for him to throw out any willingness for regret. Perhaps not very redemption-minded of him either, but that's what bothers him more than the killing of this man in particular itself. ]
But that is also problems. He was the heir to the Accardo branch. If I was the only one in danger, I would not mind, but they are not above using family -- blood family. [ Awfully ironic to be called the Family, and a tad annoying to talk about. ] I have to make sure Venere will be safe. Then... anything else, doesn't really matter.
... She was in Valland. She asked to meet in the Kingdom of Rondon. Uh, that's in Western Europa, Vatican City is more, central but south. The Church has less hold there, so she thought it was a good place to lay low, for both of us for a bit.
I had to take the first train out, and I was on my way to meeting her there. Then...
[ Well he has to get out of that helltown Prehevil first but the good news is, Marcoh is not doompilled about it. Unfortunately, he should be more doompilled about it. ]
The train I took, it took me east to a city called Prehevil. The train broke down there.
Strange things were happening in the city, but I got caught up in a fight with a Bremen soldier. I knew he would be trouble...
[ Truly he thinks he should have taken care of him when he had the chance, Pav is a menace. He's getting a faceful of fist, but better this time, if he goes back. ]
she's laid up in here. she's been bandaged. there's an ugly bruise blooming on her face as well as some scrapes and she is not very mobile, but here she is. the emotional state is pretty bad, though. just confusion and distress and a sense of a self-protective guardedness that is firmly back in place, where it had been lifted away easily earlier this week.]
Is this a joke? I am glad if you are feeling alright enough to make a quip.
[ He does mean that. Her fun dances!!! One of which got interrupted by llama. Speaking of which where did she punch him I just think it'd be funny to have to explain a llama bruise later. ]
What about mentally? Disorienting has been a common theme.
[ Jealous . . . shifts my entire life to operate on EST one of these days I wanna go on a Siz CYOA too. ]
Good. That's all I want.
[ Honestly. Times are rough and he acknowledges he's not usually that good at being actively helpful in terms of trying to comfort people, so if it works, he's sincerely glad. There's still an ebb of worry but he does seem to believe her, unlike most people who just say I'M FINE and you're like (x) about it. ]
[ Hey Shadowheart... how are you. Voids us. Marcoh's vibe is muted but he's just standing somewhere backreading the Chipper because he was told he should. ]
Well, certainly not. Though I can take what I dish out, I don't mind being teased now and again if that's all it is. I only meant this is his real personality whereas in his letters to the others, maybe he's trying to flatter.
[they're actually standing around next to the gazebo while this conversation happens so they're interrupted as uruha saber and claude just run in and claude is murdered.]
I was busy, yeah. And I'm going to be busy afterwards too.
[ He's probably helping clean up. He's a good boy. Also why were there so many tears shed today over movies... we don't even cry that much over corpses. ]
[nosy. anyway, don't pretend it's weird to sob at a tearjerker movie more than you cry at a real murder. real life things make me cry so rarely but sad movies can really get me going.]
Personally, I would say my schedule is very open, aside from some extremely long blocks on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday dedicated to misery.
[ HELP I GUESS I JUST DON'T CRY OFTEN AT MOVIES. ]
Siffrin asked to go camping later.
[ But also he can't deny this other thing Shart said, and he looks grim by default just thinking about it. Maybe a bit longer than usual even. Last week was tough. ]
[ New week? No problem... Marcoh is only around some time in either the late morning or past noon. He's usually on a jog in the Neighbourhood first thing in the morning with Lucas and Saber but we all know how that shit went!
So.
At least he has the willpower to eat, because he's having a sandwich. He does somewhat nod to Shadowheart when she comes by... ]
[ Not that it's easy to really mean much when you're just thinking idle stray thoughts, and sometimes they just get broadcasted out. He gets dragged out to the cafe... ]
You like animals too, right?
[ How is the Owlbear who is most definitely around? ]
Yes. I wanted to do something to cement my decision to break from Shar. There was a Selûnite cleric who wore her hair like this, and I thought... if I no longer look like a Sharran, then I can no longer pretend to be one.
[ Why are all the locations bad now. After deda return Marcoh is quietly somewhere in the Neighbourhood. He's trying to mind his own business, somewhat, keeping a polite sort of distance from folks. If they want to approach him, that's fine, but he doesn't seem to be actively hunting down anyone much.
Getting some water maybe... it's been a rough several days. ]
Obviously it is good. Whatever they were trying over there, they made it work.
[ And there is relief. Always room for something to go wrong last second. Their local mg villain clearly isn't happy about how everything's been shaking out, and they've apparently got some tricks left up their sleeve still... like banishing the cats elsewhere. But there's still a blurred conflict of course. Lingering nastiness that he is trying to politely brush under the rug, but it's also not like he can just forget about it. ]
[ Some mixed feelings aside, he obviously also thinks this is a plus overall. It's one thing to be told something good will happen, and another to actually see it happen. Letters aside, he did see each and every one of those as a corpse one way or another after all. ]
[ He nods in answer to that. He does share this list pretty well, except Claude, but he didn't dislike the guy. It's just that the other three hurt a lot more, especially in part because they were just victims. 'Yves also killed a girl' listen it was different. ]
They told us as much through letters, but it's a lot more reinforcing to actually see them being alright.
[ And hopefully kept, like there isn't just one last sudden possession snappage and massacre for the road. The Entity's clearly pissed and screwing with all their locations and that's kind of wild. ]
[ There IS a small ebb of anxiety when he thinks about it, but considering he's an honest to god church goer who actually believes in that kind of stuff. ]
[she laughs and self-consciously touches her hair.]
We'll see. I want to trust in it, but I also don't want to hastily pledge myself to some other god's code of conduct. [except apparently god is gabriel and they've talked about this in detail so it's probably fine.]
What of you? You told me some of what you believed before. [his feelings about murder...] Has that changed?
Like am I still a believer in Alll-mer? It is hard to just... not.
[ It's not like he's a SUPER devout, it's just... you know, he's his world's equivalent of an actual typical Catholic. It's hard to just kind of shake it off. ]
When we talked before, it seemed that you felt that the things you had done were particularly sinful. And I didn't necessarily see it that way. I have killed people before because I had to in order to survive and protect those dear to me, and even if I return home, that won't change.
[it was to keep his sister alive, so she would not have judged what he decided to do. but then seeing how he was overcome with rage, wanting to avenge uruha, it made her if not question that, at least understand why he thought that path wasn't right for him.]
[ It's... well, it's a lot for even him to dissect. He's always known he's more prone to anger than he'd typically admit, but that sort of gut-deep rage -- it's only been wrenched out of him twice. It's hard to try to justify himself in front of anyone like that, outside of the simplest nature of it: he snapped because he felt cornered past a breaking point, relating to somebody he loves but failed to protect.
At the time, he didn't feel bad for it. Refused to, even, because how could you, how dare you? But without the rage to turn it outwards into an all-consuming flame, all he has is an uncertain guilt. ]
Killing someone who doesn't deserve it is. And, even now, I still don't believe in hurting others.
But I know that might be hard to believe with how I acted.
[ It's hard for him to believe he's a good person when he has that kind of capacity to do harm. ]
[it's not hard for her to believe that at all, that's consistent with the marcoh she knows. there was just this other marcoh who was not only dead set on killing but so dead set on it that he seemed ready to turn on any of them violently for trying to interfere.]
Our guiding beliefs and principals aren't the same as what we do when backed into a corner. Nor should they, or else we would have nothing to aspire to.
Still, as much as I understand what you had to do for your sister, I think... the Marcoh I came to know is a gentle person, even if there have been times when it has not been possible to be one.
[ Desire, capacity, and ability aren't always linear. But it's at least a little settling to hear Shadowheart say as much. He can't leap on it for validation but it's a kinder gesture than holding it against him. In the end, he really does think this heaven turned out to be full of kindness. ]
I don't know if that necessarily means I've changed. [ For the sake of redemption and stuff. He still feels mostly the same, very generally speaking... kind of worse if he were honest but that's experiencing trauma for you. ] But if it gets asked, I'll still do what it takes to get it.
As far as I understand, the entire purpose of this project was to allow us to see who we could become removed from the circumstances we were trapped in. I know I've done a great many terrible things, but it did not take much time around people other than Sharrans for that to start to change.
The only problem is that the experiences we had here didn't take us away from those circumstances.
[ He nods... there is mild floating dread here. He did go off the rails spectacularly. Maybe the lesson is if he can bounce back from that surrounded by an actual support system but he's not going to just write excuses for himself. He'll see what comes Judgment Day, try not to be nervous and all. ]
[our beach is back! our beautiful beach. she has showered and changed out of whatever hideous outfit i forced her to be in and is instead wearing something simple and comfortable and sitting out on the beach.]
[ Both sweet and bittersweet. There's little imaginationshare projections, of sitting with Siffrin to look at stars; of Uruha dragging him off to play some shamisen at the soundstage; the first week they learned that murders happen, when he spent the entire day combing the beach up and down for Charlie's body.
It all feels like both yesterday and a long time ago. ]
[ Lowkey that's more normal than all three BG3's just blasting everyone with their mind parasite story in a curfew. Even when people are like STOP WE GET IT ALREADY. ]
[she did this on the mingle earlier this week but it was like 10 gagtags in to viktor so like two people noticed.]
It's fine.
[is it...]
The parasites typically take over your brain and turn you into a monster or a thrall within a matter of days, but that hasn't happened yet and it won't. But I do sort of have to go back if I expect to be protected from it.
I am about as sure it is fine as I am sure Lady Shar will not strike me down the moment I reenter her domain. Which is to say, not entirely sure, but if it isn't fine, there's little I can do about it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
saturday 0
and then she appears to be startled when someone comes in after her.]
Ah, hello! I was just looking for someplace to be alone with my thoughts for a moment.
no subject
Oh -- sorry. I can leave if you wanted the place to yourself.
no subject
[is it cute...]
no subject
[ Ahem. ]
I'm not sure if it's meant to be serious or not.
no subject
no subject
...
Everywhere does, even though it's just us. Actually I think it's the other people that are making everything messier.
no subject
no subject
I don't know if it's the same person.
no subject
no subject
...
They could have at least not specifically picked the only unlocked stall.
[ Alas with every game we truly deserve toilets less and less. ]
I am not happy about this either.
no subject
[lightly. she knows he means dying.]
no subject
[ He would have said dying but honestly the other thing kind of sucks too. ]
no subject
[but there's little they can do about the toilets.]
I'm - I didn't think it would end that way. I don't know what I was thinking, really.
no subject
[ Grim, but he's no good with words so he doesn't elabourate much more. ]
What happened to you?
no subject
I had a task to fulfill. I failed at it. Or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say, I faltered. I wanted answers, so I hesitated at a critical moment, and now I'm here, with no answers to speak of.
no subject
It isn't easy, sitting around after something like that.
no subject
...No. I want the chance to either make it right, or get those damn answers. Either way. But this, it being over, I cannot accept.
no subject
It is confusing now but it can't stay that way forever. We will figure something out.
no subject
no subject
[ If nothing else he is good at not being a downer... wow! ]
If we can get answers to some questions today, we can get answers to more questions tomorrow. So... hang in there. It's not good to dwell much.
[ Even if it is in the face of a stained glass axolotl. ]
no subject
[she never claimed to be an optimist. definitely isn't one.]
no subject
no subject
week 0; monday
and shadowheart instantly starts talking to him in a baby voice]
There you are! Getting into trouble, are you? Don't get me kicked out of here, please.
[she will also throw her arms around his fluffy neck and start petting his feathers while she continues to baby voice at him.]
no subject
What is that?
no subject
Ahem. Hello, Marcoh. This is an owlbear cub.
no subject
Is this something you can find in the... Baldur's Gate, you said?
no subject
...Aren't you?
[petting him.]
no subject
Aren't I what?
[ But he is definitely Looking. ]
no subject
I was talking to him.
[but she shrugs a bit.]
He was captured by some goblins, they were training him to fight. We wound up freeing him and feeding him a bit, so he follows us. Not exactly tame, though.
no subject
[ Presumptious of him... ]
Does he have a name?
[ There is. Definitely the vibe of wanting to approach but withholding. ]
no subject
[it really is so rude that the owlbear cub doesn't have a name, but he doesn't.]
no subject
[ ... Approaching... kneeling down. Hello OwlbearTM... ]
no subject
no subject
I've never seen anything like him.
no subject
no subject
[ Scrungles his fluffy little face. Who's a good Owlbear who will grow up big and strong and hungry. It's yooou. ]
no subject
[yay he loves to be pet.]
no subject
[ Glancing up at her. This answer will determine many things. ]
no subject
no subject
[ Strongly debates asking. ]
Do you think he would eat a frog?
no subject
no subject
[ Whoops. Sorry. He blinks. ]
No, I uh. I have one.
[ And someone was like someone's got an Owlbear and it might eat frogs so watch out. ]
I was wondering if they would get along or not.
no subject
no subject
[ It doesn't deter him from petting Owlbear any less but he does give off soft dang energy. And then as if realising he's been doing this a little too overlong: ]
Oh -- sorry. If I was interrupting you from anything.
no subject
[honestly she could not begrudge someone wanting to get soft fluffy owlbear pets and in fact you get Shadowheart Approves for petting him.]
Perhaps you might introduce me to your frog sometime when he isn't near enough to cause trouble.
no subject
[ It seems cruel to not let him feel some fresh sun and eat flies or whatever...... ]
no subject
[her horrible secret is, she fuckin' loves animals, man.]
Even if it is a tad unorthodox as a pet.
no subject
If he had just a bit more sass in him at this stage of their acquaintanceship he'd say 'and an Owlbear is?' ]
He came with me in the box. I couldn't just leave him out there. So I guess he's kind of like my pet now.
no subject
[she knows. she said they shouldn't keep the owlbear. but he's so, so cute.]
no subject
Is this an active danger?
[ Looking at her a little concerned like. Are we gonna wake up one of these days to you having a huge chunk bitten out of you?? He looks at the little fluffball like you shouldn't do that she's very nice. ]
no subject
[she's mostly just being rude.]
He'll grow up to be a handful, but he knows not to bite the hands that feed him.
no subject
[ Trusts Shart to be a good pet mom. Look at how much adoration she gave Owlbear earlier... she'll do great. ]
week 1; friday
I wish I could say I wasn't expecting this.
[but she still looks troubled and a bit frustrated, purplish black smoke starting to gather under her skin in response. she looks at him.]
How are you feeling?
no subject
I was hoping I wouldn't have to expect to.
[ He wasn't paranoid about getting locked in but after they did? ]
no subject
Yes, exactly. It would be nice if everything was as we were told it would be, but how often is that ever the case?
no subject
...
[ He absently puts a hand on his own abdomen, rubbing a spot. ]
You think it was one person, taking out two?
no subject
no subject
Shouldn't we know better than this? To believe the snake?
no subject
[she doesn't know a christianity.]
no subject
It is a thing, in the scripture. The Garden of Eden, and the snake that tempted humanity's first sin, to disobey by eating fruit from the forbidden tree...
[ Sometimes I am like I better not assume the Funger Bible is the same because this world is sooo fucked up! and then I remember Marcoh literally namedropped Sodom and Gomorrah so I'm like I guess it's just the fucking Bible. Whatever! Whatever!!! Claims this knowledge because apparently it's coming in handy!!! ]
no subject
[well that retroactively makes that so tacky.]
Ew. They really are just so... heavy-handed about it.
no subject
But ay, it's pretty much spot on. And the message is telling.
no subject
no subject
[ The funniest possible thing that could happen is that not a single damn angel knows a lick of the Bible. ]
Or are aware what it promises?
no subject
no subject
[ Is it baby Jesus...? ]
no subject
It's a baby that grew up and was crucified and died.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ Y'all can we cut that tree down. ]
no subject
no subject
[ Like doy. It's kind of grimly funny almost, if Marcoh didn't look a way about it. ]
no subject
[but that's neither here nor there.]
no subject
[ Shadowheart never gave a name. ]
no subject
no subject
[ Sometimes you really do just have gods of death and murder. ]
no subject
Lots of nasty sacrifices, piles of corpses left littered everywhere? I follow Shar. She has subtlety and does not wish to be given someone's entrails as an offering.
[she just wants them destroyed psychologically and then maybe also still killed.]
no subject
no subject
no subject
...
Oh, I frown upon it too though.
[ Just adding that in, he's no crusader. ]
no subject
no subject
It is the one whose scripture has all that stuff I mentioned.
no subject
So a little more mainstream.
no subject
He nods. ]
As far as the new or ascended gods go, ay, he is the most "mainstream" I think.
no subject
Shar is a little less on the beaten path, admittedly.
no subject
You just worship the one, too?
no subject
Lady Shar does not suffer those who dabble and search for who has the best offer. Those who betray her are punished for it.
no subject
... She communicates with you often? Your Lady Shar?
no subject
But she shows signs. There are ways of knowing if she is pleased or displeased.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ Prooobably. ]
no subject
[she pauses.]
Well, I'm rambling on, and this isn't exactly important right now.
no subject
[ He nods, stoic. ]
We will have a long day tomorrow, I am sure, if things are the same.
Try to rest if you can.
w2 monday
Marcoh is looking at all this like it's out of his paygrade. Not necessarily in a bad way but it's all a lot happening. ]
It's like a totally different dimension.
no subject
[she sounds... totally sincere? she's smiling, looking around. the cards are fine with her. there's just something about the chaos of it all, how unsettling but aesthetically beautiful it all is.]
no subject
[ Marcoh doesn't seem to HATE it but he's clearly a little disoriented by it all. ]
I've never seen anything like it.
no subject
[she really does seem peaceful.]
Can I show you something? Will you follow me?
no subject
Sure. What is it?
no subject
[she gives him a smile, and then begins to walk into the dark forest.]
no subject
no subject
I think what I like best about this place is that I'm not afraid of it. So many of you seem so unsettled by it, but there's nothing in it that holds any fear for me.
no subject
[ Shadowheart seems like a resilient person. ]
I do think... I don't know. Maybe it is unsettling, maybe it isn't. It's just otherworldly enough, but it's like...
[ Hmm. ]
It isn't dissimilar to grounds that gods touch.
no subject
[grounds that gods touch - that's beautiful.]
Every single place we have been before, I have been afraid. Terribly so, always. If I managed to hide it, I'm surprised.
no subject
...
Is it that it's too... [ Hm. How should he say it. ] Bright?
no subject
[she keeps wandering with no obvious destination in mind.]
We've both talked about our faith, but I never wanted to admit it. I was consumed by the fear that I'd been abandoned by my goddess. That if she still wanted me, then I wouldn't be here.
no subject
...I get it. I didn't think this was a place I would go either. Not that where I thought I'd go would be better.
It's sort of the opposite. It felt too nice. Being here.
Although the recent things make me think, maybe it wasn't actually a mistake.
no subject
[she looks at him, concern in her eyes.]
When you say you didn't think you'd go here... did you think you'd be punished for something? [or maybe more importantly.] Do you believe your god loves you? Actually loves you?
no subject
With the right prayers and affinity, they will sometimes answer you with their blessings. But if you're asking if I've ever heard Alll-mer speak to me, then no.
no subject
And that's why everything is so much easier now.
no subject
no subject
I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't done anything I need to repent for. Just because I had private doubts and private failings doesn't mean I failed her.
I don't know why I wasted so much time consumed that I'd be judged on those things. In my actions, I was always her champion. And I know now, with certainty, that is enough.
no subject
...Champion, huh? That's a pretty big title.
no subject
I think I'm here on purpose, to serve my role.
no subject
Can I ask what that is?
no subject
This botched redemption trial is the perfect opportunity, isn't it? Everyone will be searching for something else, some other way to find meaning, in the wake of these failures.
no subject
...I guess so, yeah. Coming from where you are.
[ Though, mm. Sounds like a lot of people are lowkey becoming god-haters in real time. ]
I think, if you have done wrong, it is something you will know. You did say if she is displeased, she would let you know.
no subject
[immediate agreement.]
And she has before, but I was naive. I hadn't seen much of the world. When I first began traveling, I was taken by ideas that I knew didn't suit a cleric of Shar, but I thought there was no harm in dabbling in those thoughts.
no subject
[ Quiet thinking. ]
There are a lot of things that. Sometimes don't feel right. They tell you it is wrong. But is it really wrong if it doesn't hurt anyone?
no subject
It isn't wrong if it does hurt someone, either.
no subject
[ Tell him more. ]
no subject
no subject
[ There ain't a single god here that isn't Not Safe For Humans to some level. ]
I guess it is... about if that person deserves it.
no subject
That was the problem I dealt with. I didn't want to hurt certain people, even when I knew what Lady Shar's judgment of them would be.
no subject
no subject
no subject
But you don't always agree.
no subject
I used to disagree. I used to find it repulsive, sometimes. I would do as I had to do, but inside, every time, I felt no relief, no satisfaction, only pain.
But I've overcome that. I prayed for my doubts to be quieted, and they were.
no subject
He's generally fairly open-minded if not closed-world. But something about this seems to give him pause, his pace slowing and falling a little behind. ]
If you didn't want to, then you shouldn't have to?
no subject
Lady Shar does not tolerate defiance. Perhaps there are gods that do, but half-hearted worship is not good enough for her.
no subject
no subject
no subject
...Because you do what she tells you to.
no subject
Because I passed her tests and proved my loyalty, yes.
no subject
I've...
[ Not something he really generally wants to admit but. It was kind of topic-adjacent before this conversation took a worrying turn. ]
...I've also killed someone I did not wish to. But I do not think that is praise-worthy.
I... think of it. Often.
no subject
...Who?
no subject
Someone who left the Family.
no subject
[do they have the mafia in baldur's gate i just dont know]
no subject
no subject
[so, she does have context for organized crime syndicates, and what they'll do to you if you don't obey.]
I didn't realize, though it makes some sense. You're so strong. [the scariest part is she's not, for once, saying that like she's objectifying him.] Then these activities were - maybe not officially sanctioned, by approved by the church?
no subject
I do not want to say officially sanctioned. More it is like, many members have connections.
[ Nepotism is real and can hurt you... and bribery is such an easy path for some. ]
It does make trying to escape a near impossibility.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
...I don't know.
no subject
[she can't reassure him, but she does know.]
no subject
[ Differences aside, she gets the whole religious aspect stuff. ]
no subject
I spent a long time pretending that I was her devoted servant, all while believing fully that I was already lost in her eyes, that I'd been thrown away.
I didn't want to admit it outloud to anyone. It would make it more permanent, and I was still clinging to hopes I could somehow undo what I believed I'd done.
no subject
[ That'd be blasphemous, he's pretty sure, to even try and claim the latter. ]
I don't know if that would make it better or worse.
...But Alll-mer did not make me kill, and I do resent the man who did.
no subject
The man who did... how did he make you?
no subject
He threatened my sister.
no subject
[coercion is a little different, isn't it? it makes a difference.]
Were you able to save her, then?
no subject
I was working on it. I am working on it.
no subject
no subject
Then do whatever I can to be sure the Family will not be after her any more.
[ Add 'survive' to that list now that they know they're in some kinda fucked up murder tournament. He's got his work REAL cut out for him. ]
no subject
[so whatever the church might say, she doesn't judge him.]
no subject
[ What's that about. ]
no subject
no subject
..."Supposedly". Do you doubt this?
no subject
[she doesn't have any specific reason to think it's not true.]
But they don't always tell the truth. So maybe part of me liked to think it wasn't. Even if realistically, that would only mean that the family I did have abandoned me or never looked for me.
no subject
...
I also do not have parents. I don't remember what happened at all. But I do have my sister, and everything I've done is my best to take care of her.
no subject
You don't remember what happened?
no subject
[ As far as anyone knows they're just GONE! ]
no subject
no subject
[ Not like, fully amused, nor is it dry, but it's the closest he'll get to a joke ever. ]
no subject
I didn't necessarily say it was a nice one.
no subject
...Family is important. But I think, you can also choose what kind of family is important to you. That is all.
w2 sunday
It's normal to go to church on a Sunday right? So. Not that he looks like he's really doing much than just sitting there staring hard at the altar up front (I am ASSUMING there is an altar up front). ]
no subject
I think I left something in here yester - oh, Marcoh.
no subject
Shadowheart.
[ He nods back to her. Don't let him stop you from finding items you dropped out of your inventory to make room for evidence checks so you can hover over them and read the descriptions. ]
no subject
[it's been a rough weekend. not any better now than it was the day before.]
I'm not interrupting, am I?
no subject
It is normal to go to church on a Sunday where I am from. It's just... habit. Even if there isn't much to do in this one.
no subject
[though if he does, that's fine, she supposes.]
no subject
I use it to think. It is quiet here, and not many other people wish to be here on Sunday.
no subject
[after everything that happens in here beforehand. but she appreciates the need to sit and think.]
...I'm sorry if I was acting odd, earlier this week.
no subject
[ I'm so sorry but truly he's like you... were...? ]
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
I'll leave that to them. Their job.
[ Gods in general, not the salamander in question. ]
week 3; monday
(you can watch this video for visuals / atmosphere if you like).
no subject
He remembers that girl from the other day, small and scared. He promised he'd protect her from it, which would usually mean that he would just outright punch a mirror the wolf is reflected in and break it, but apparently that might cause Shadowheart to kind of forget that memory so that's really up to you . . .
Either way, he thinks maybe it's best they don't linger. ]
Shadowheart.
[ A little louder and firmer than how he usually speaks -- your attention. ]
no subject
shadowheart is frozen a bit. not just the little girl, but the adult. she is completely terrified of wolves, and she needs to make a wisdom saving throw.]
no subject
How was your roll girl here's an assist. ]
no subject
and anyway, i'm going to say he punches this memory right in a mirror with the wolf. the wolf is gone - more of a nightmare creature than a real animal, too large and snarling and terrifying. she's fought monsters, demons, terrible enemies, ones far bigger than this thing, but even now there's nothing that frightens her more than this particular memory, is still frozen in place when she sees one.
but he shatters that mirror, and the wolf is gone from the memory. instead, there's just a girl in a forest, and a woman in a hood and mask. and while the woman appears to be calming her, the story is a little different without the wolf in it. now it's the story of a lost child who was taken by these people.
on a mirror on the other side there's an older elven man, instead. he has long dark hair and a lined face and worried eyes. there's a human woman by her side, a little younger in appearance though likely not in years, with bright green eyes. it's just a glimpse of them, telling the girl to be safe, to remember her lessons, to return home soon.
and then it's all gone.
shadowheart comes out of her fear response, unsure what she was even frightened of, the wisps of the nightmare she was focused on fading away.]
Marcoh? What happened?
no subject
There was a wolf in the mirror, chasing a little you. You were not responding.
no subject
[doesn't sound that scary?]
no subject
no subject
[she seems a little confused?]
no subject
Maybe it would be best we get out of here?
[ Well they can walk and talk too. Who Was She? ]
no subject
[please. except i want a marcoh memory too.]
no subject
As they walk they can get hit with this one, and now it's Marcoh's turn to freeze up. ]
no subject
she will take his arm, place her hand gently on it.]
Marcoh?
[how is he reacting? frozen?]
no subject
I -- didn't want to -- ...
no subject
[holding his arm, trying to lead him away from it a little, but not pulling him too hard if he isn't ready.]
Disgusting man.
no subject
I don't know if I made the right decision.
no subject
[she definitely does not judge him, though.]
If you'd stuck to your morals, and your sister had paid a price for it, I can't imagine you'd have fewer regrets than you do now. Sometimes there's only making the best out of a series of bad options.
no subject
I should've intervened sooner. I knew nothing good would come out of dating a mobster. But she... she seemed happy. When he was nice. That's all I ever wanted for her.
no subject
no subject
But I would have been stopping her from going after someone she thought was nice, someone she really liked.
...I wouldn't want to do that.
no subject
[but a small smile.]
Though that's why I wonder, if she would have listened - I don't know many women who do run their romantic choices by their protective brothers. [it's sort of the cliche.]
Can you get her away from him now?
no subject
[ Though granted. Marcoh just inherently disagreed because it was mobster/gang territory and he'd already had enough of those fools.
He hesitates kind of long here when she asks, and -- ]
I killed him too. It is why I had to escape Vatican City.
no subject
[she's relieved, actually. it's not nice that he had to, but this man is not a problem for him anymore, and that's good.]
Someone like that... he'd only keep trying to control you.
no subject
...I don't feel bad about killing Riccardo. I don't think I could.
[ No, one reminder of his fakely bright smile as he brought up his sister's name is enough for him to throw out any willingness for regret. Perhaps not very redemption-minded of him either, but that's what bothers him more than the killing of this man in particular itself. ]
But that is also problems. He was the heir to the Accardo branch. If I was the only one in danger, I would not mind, but they are not above using family -- blood family. [ Awfully ironic to be called the Family, and a tad annoying to talk about. ] I have to make sure Venere will be safe. Then... anything else, doesn't really matter.
no subject
[he said he left the city, so maybe that's possible.]
no subject
I had to take the first train out, and I was on my way to meeting her there. Then...
[ Well. He's here. ]
no subject
[well, that's good, though.]
If you get out of here, you can go to her. You can find her.
no subject
[ Well he has to get out of that helltown Prehevil first but the good news is, Marcoh is not doompilled about it. Unfortunately, he should be more doompilled about it. ]
no subject
What happened to you, to come here? Did they catch up with you?
no subject
Strange things were happening in the city, but I got caught up in a fight with a Bremen soldier. I knew he would be trouble...
[ Truly he thinks he should have taken care of him when he had the chance, Pav is a menace. He's getting a faceful of fist, but better this time, if he goes back. ]
no subject
So, a fixable problem, it seems.
no subject
I think so. I will not make the same mistake twice.
no subject
[you moderns and trains...]
no subject
[ He will. Walk from Prague to London/Paris. Unfortunately I do think this is not above him. ]
The city had a strange fog that looped us back. Not unlike that first place we arrived to here. But it can't be endless.
no subject
[that does sound dangerous.]
no subject
Explains why Vatican is foggy a lot too I guess.
w4 thursday
no subject
she's laid up in here. she's been bandaged. there's an ugly bruise blooming on her face as well as some scrapes and she is not very mobile, but here she is. the emotional state is pretty bad, though. just confusion and distress and a sense of a self-protective guardedness that is firmly back in place, where it had been lifted away easily earlier this week.]
Hello, Marcoh. Come to check on me? How sweet.
no subject
I wanted to see that you were looked after.
[ He keeps a polite distance, feeling this. He gives off a pretty gentle sort of worry. ]
no subject
[his worry is appreciated, at least.]
It will take a little longer to heal, but I'll have to make do. At least the dance was before I was laid up.
no subject
[ He does mean that. Her fun dances!!! One of which got interrupted by llama. Speaking of which where did she punch him I just think it'd be funny to have to explain a llama bruise later. ]
What about mentally? Disorienting has been a common theme.
no subject
and she doesn't really need to be feeling alright to make a quip.]
A poor one. [hmm.] I'm not confused about where I am, haven't forgotten this place or all of you. But disoriented is correct.
no subject
The bar is low, but that's slightly better than the rest. Not hearing any noises, seeing strange things?
[ Holding out a bottle of water and some snack of her choice. ]
no subject
[grimacing a bit.]
I'm trying to ignore them. [she will take the water, though she is not feeling so hungry.]
no subject
[ That's okay he'll leave the snacks, she can leave or just save for later. ]
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ This is actually something that frequently happens in his canon. ]
no subject
I see. Thank you, Marcoh.
no subject
No problem. You're not seeing a clown right now are you?
no subject
no subject
Do you want me to stay a while in case it does?
no subject
I'd like that, yes. But please also go punch clowns for Anders and Fidelio. They can use the service too, I'm sure.
no subject
Easily done.
[ He cares about them too. ]
no subject
Thank you. You have lifted my spirits, really.
[it's just nice to think a strong and handsome man will stand around and punch clowns for you. there's still good in the world after all.]
no subject
Good. That's all I want.
[ Honestly. Times are rough and he acknowledges he's not usually that good at being actively helpful in terms of trying to comfort people, so if it works, he's sincerely glad. There's still an ebb of worry but he does seem to believe her, unlike most people who just say I'M FINE and you're like (x) about it. ]
w4 sunday
no subject
[her feelings are muted, too.]
Enjoying the gossip?
no subject
[ There's a lot of confusion here as he tries to scroll and catch up with everything on the Chipper... there's so many texts... ]
So is Harold a... good person, or?
no subject
no subject
[ Be nice to Shart. ]
no subject
no subject
[ He sees. ]
That's no excuse to talk like that to women.
no subject
Well, certainly not. Though I can take what I dish out, I don't mind being teased now and again if that's all it is. I only meant this is his real personality whereas in his letters to the others, maybe he's trying to flatter.
no subject
[ He's just going to show Shadowheart.
It's a lot to ask when you tend to so many, but I hope you keep him on the right path. What influences us for good can also be the source of evil.
Weirdo. ]
no subject
Do you... know what he's talking about? Though you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.
[is harold being a yaoi hound again.]
no subject
[ And then he just watches Claude get slaughtered on main I guess. ]
no subject
no subject
week 5; wednesday
Marcoh? You were late, weren't you? Big plans?
no subject
[ He's probably helping clean up. He's a good boy. Also why were there so many tears shed today over movies... we don't even cry that much over corpses. ]
no subject
[nosy. anyway, don't pretend it's weird to sob at a tearjerker movie more than you cry at a real murder. real life things make me cry so rarely but sad movies can really get me going.]
Personally, I would say my schedule is very open, aside from some extremely long blocks on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday dedicated to misery.
no subject
Siffrin asked to go camping later.
[ But also he can't deny this other thing Shart said, and he looks grim by default just thinking about it. Maybe a bit longer than usual even. Last week was tough. ]
no subject
no subject
[ Understand I'm gonna be so mad if this is a death flag. ]
w6 monday
So.
At least he has the willpower to eat, because he's having a sandwich. He does somewhat nod to Shadowheart when she comes by... ]
no subject
...Marcoh. How are you?
[this was a bad weekend, obviously. and her thoughts are reflecting that, vague concern.]
no subject
[ Honestly enough. His thoughts are kind of a dull static but there is one floating thought that makes it past. She's still here. That's good... ]
no subject
...I don't really know what to say to help. It's all awful, isn't it? There are cats, if you would like to see them.
no subject
[ He's going to force himself to be fine with his two bare hands if he's gotta. ]
An awful lot of animals lately, aren't there...?
no subject
It feels like we deserve cute animals after everything, doesn't it?
no subject
[ I don't know if that actually solves anything, but... ]
Sure, hard to say no to some cute and innocent critters.
no subject
[rudely answering his thought out loud.]
Come, then.
[dragging his ass to go pet some cats.]
no subject
[ Not that it's easy to really mean much when you're just thinking idle stray thoughts, and sometimes they just get broadcasted out. He gets dragged out to the cafe... ]
You like animals too, right?
[ How is the Owlbear who is most definitely around? ]
no subject
It's a little embarrassing to admit, but I'm very fond of them.
no subject
Everybody likes a person that likes animals.
[ The one thing apparently everyone here can agree on... animals good. ]
no subject
Lady Shar does not, but that's alright. I don't care much what she thinks.
no subject
It sounds like you've changed your mind a lot.
no subject
no subject
I didn't really want to speak out against your faith, but I think this is a good development for you.
[ When she talked about having to smite people she didn't want to... ]
no subject
[slightly amused. You can speak out against people's faith sometimes, you know.]
No, I think - even when I first came here, I had stopped believing in any of it. I just didn't want to say so outloud just yet.
no subject
Was dyeing your hair a part of it too?
[ Lady of Darkness? ]
no subject
Yes. I wanted to do something to cement my decision to break from Shar. There was a Selûnite cleric who wore her hair like this, and I thought... if I no longer look like a Sharran, then I can no longer pretend to be one.
no subject
no subject
[not that the old color was bad. but the bangs were.]
w7 monday
Getting some water maybe... it's been a rough several days. ]
no subject
...Marcoh. [nodding at him. it's a bit awkward.] Everyone is back. A relief to see them, yes?
no subject
It is.
no subject
[just trying to judge the mood. not that she thinks them being back is going to fix everything that happened but probably it helped a little.]
no subject
[ And there is relief. Always room for something to go wrong last second. Their local mg villain clearly isn't happy about how everything's been shaking out, and they've apparently got some tricks left up their sleeve still... like banishing the cats elsewhere. But there's still a blurred conflict of course. Lingering nastiness that he is trying to politely brush under the rug, but it's also not like he can just forget about it. ]
You?
no subject
[she agrees the entity isn't done and there's still a lot of danger, but... it's just really wonderful to see everyone again.]
no subject
[ Some mixed feelings aside, he obviously also thinks this is a plus overall. It's one thing to be told something good will happen, and another to actually see it happen. Letters aside, he did see each and every one of those as a corpse one way or another after all. ]
Who were you eager to meet the most? Elysia?
no subject
[those are her faves who died. all were pretty painful, in their own way.]
no subject
They told us as much through letters, but it's a lot more reinforcing to actually see them being alright.
no subject
And for there to be no last minute chance for that part of things to go wrong.
no subject
It's one hurdle leapt over.
[ And hopefully kept, like there isn't just one last sudden possession snappage and massacre for the road. The Entity's clearly pissed and screwing with all their locations and that's kind of wild. ]
no subject
[a little pessimism, at least.]
We have to contend with the entity, and we have whatever judgment will entail.
no subject
[ There IS a small ebb of anxiety when he thinks about it, but considering he's an honest to god church goer who actually believes in that kind of stuff. ]
no subject
no subject
no subject
I wanted to shake off my history with Lady Shar. I don't want to attribute anything to some other god. I did not try to redeem myself.
no subject
They told me it was something about change. [ Glances at her hair. ] You'll go back to live your life differently. Definitely feels like it to me.
no subject
We'll see. I want to trust in it, but I also don't want to hastily pledge myself to some other god's code of conduct. [except apparently god is gabriel and they've talked about this in detail so it's probably fine.]
What of you? You told me some of what you believed before. [his feelings about murder...] Has that changed?
no subject
[ It's not like he's a SUPER devout, it's just... you know, he's his world's equivalent of an actual typical Catholic. It's hard to just kind of shake it off. ]
no subject
[frowning at how to put it.]
When we talked before, it seemed that you felt that the things you had done were particularly sinful. And I didn't necessarily see it that way. I have killed people before because I had to in order to survive and protect those dear to me, and even if I return home, that won't change.
[it was to keep his sister alive, so she would not have judged what he decided to do. but then seeing how he was overcome with rage, wanting to avenge uruha, it made her if not question that, at least understand why he thought that path wasn't right for him.]
no subject
At the time, he didn't feel bad for it. Refused to, even, because how could you, how dare you? But without the rage to turn it outwards into an all-consuming flame, all he has is an uncertain guilt. ]
Killing someone who doesn't deserve it is. And, even now, I still don't believe in hurting others.
But I know that might be hard to believe with how I acted.
[ It's hard for him to believe he's a good person when he has that kind of capacity to do harm. ]
no subject
[it's not hard for her to believe that at all, that's consistent with the marcoh she knows. there was just this other marcoh who was not only dead set on killing but so dead set on it that he seemed ready to turn on any of them violently for trying to interfere.]
Our guiding beliefs and principals aren't the same as what we do when backed into a corner. Nor should they, or else we would have nothing to aspire to.
Still, as much as I understand what you had to do for your sister, I think... the Marcoh I came to know is a gentle person, even if there have been times when it has not been possible to be one.
no subject
I don't know if that necessarily means I've changed. [ For the sake of redemption and stuff. He still feels mostly the same, very generally speaking... kind of worse if he were honest but that's experiencing trauma for you. ] But if it gets asked, I'll still do what it takes to get it.
no subject
The only problem is that the experiences we had here didn't take us away from those circumstances.
no subject
... Thanks for talking to me, Shadowheart.
week 7; saturday
no subject
Having a last bit of gazing before you tire in for the night?
no subject
[there's a lot about all of this she will feel nostalgic for, even if it was basically hell, too.]
no subject
[ Both sweet and bittersweet. There's little imaginationshare projections, of sitting with Siffrin to look at stars; of Uruha dragging him off to play some shamisen at the soundstage; the first week they learned that murders happen, when he spent the entire day combing the beach up and down for Charlie's body.
It all feels like both yesterday and a long time ago. ]
no subject
I don't know if it's forever, but I'll miss you.
no subject
...I will miss you as well, Shadowheart.
If they are real about the phones still working, then I would welcome a message now and then.
no subject
no subject
[ And he has. So much nonsense to have to get through first, but. ]
But I will.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
[a bit amused.]
I sort of wander in there and start hitting people indiscriminately with a morningstar.
no subject
[ But yk respect to just going in and start swinging too ngl. ]
no subject
[well, what does she mean. he paid her a compliment and she got flustered and made fun.]
no subject
... What is next for you, Shadowheart?
[ Now that she's a full convert and all. ]
no subject
no subject
A what?
[ That sounds bad? ]
no subject
It's fine.
[is it...]
The parasites typically take over your brain and turn you into a monster or a thrall within a matter of days, but that hasn't happened yet and it won't. But I do sort of have to go back if I expect to be protected from it.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ Bald Lady Shar. ]
no subject
I will use the Challenge Letter. She and Selûne shall be forced to compete for who can leave me to live my life in peace better.