pc: marcoh

[sacredpath]

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[boxcar]

[ Wow cool. That's not his job and he would not like to have it be his job, but he nods slowly... ]

But you don't always agree.

[sacredpath]

[well.]

I used to disagree. I used to find it repulsive, sometimes. I would do as I had to do, but inside, every time, I felt no relief, no satisfaction, only pain.

But I've overcome that. I prayed for my doubts to be quieted, and they were.

[boxcar]

[ ...Now

He's generally fairly open-minded if not closed-world. But something about this seems to give him pause, his pace slowing and falling a little behind. ]

If you didn't want to, then you shouldn't have to?

[sacredpath]

[a light laugh.]

Lady Shar does not tolerate defiance. Perhaps there are gods that do, but half-hearted worship is not good enough for her.

[boxcar]

...Do you follow her out of loyalty or fear?

[sacredpath]

It was fear for a very long time. But that's why I'm so happy now. She loves me.

[boxcar]

[ GIRL YOUR STOCKHOLM GET OUTTA THERE JENNY we'll make a Selunite out of you yet. Anyway his general respect of her has suddenly turned into something kind of very concerned. Blink twice if you need help. ]

...Because you do what she tells you to.

[sacredpath]

[to be fair her brain really broke right now at the moment.]

Because I passed her tests and proved my loyalty, yes.

[boxcar]

...

I've...

[ Not something he really generally wants to admit but. It was kind of topic-adjacent before this conversation took a worrying turn. ]

...I've also killed someone I did not wish to. But I do not think that is praise-worthy.

I... think of it. Often.

[sacredpath]

[i really fucking wish she would be nice about this. we'll have to pc about this again later when her brain is better,]

...Who?

[boxcar]

[ SHART, YOUR BRAIN. ]

Someone who left the Family.

[sacredpath]

The family? Your family?

[do they have the mafia in baldur's gate i just dont know]

[boxcar]

No, it's a criminal organisation. One of the biggest ones in the Vatican. Lots of connection to the Church.

[sacredpath]

Oh.

[so, she does have context for organized crime syndicates, and what they'll do to you if you don't obey.]

I didn't realize, though it makes some sense. You're so strong. [the scariest part is she's not, for once, saying that like she's objectifying him.] Then these activities were - maybe not officially sanctioned, by approved by the church?

[boxcar]

[ Help not the objectification based conversation sobriety checker. ]

I do not want to say officially sanctioned. More it is like, many members have connections.

[ Nepotism is real and can hurt you... and bribery is such an easy path for some. ]

It does make trying to escape a near impossibility.

[sacredpath]

And even if church members are connected, it does not mean the God you follow accepts it, does it?

[boxcar]

I don't think they care much about tenets and following gods anyway. Or anyone else but themselves.

[sacredpath]

But you care what your god believes. And you've committed a sin before his eyes, haven't you?

[boxcar]

... Yeah.

[sacredpath]

Do you think he'll forgive you?

[boxcar]

[ Well, even if he chose to answer, the silence before might be telling that whatever he thinks is not a yes. ]

...I don't know.

[sacredpath]

I know how that feels.

[she can't reassure him, but she does know.]

[boxcar]

If anyone did, I guess it might be you.

[ Differences aside, she gets the whole religious aspect stuff. ]

[sacredpath]

[she nods.]

I spent a long time pretending that I was her devoted servant, all while believing fully that I was already lost in her eyes, that I'd been thrown away.

I didn't want to admit it outloud to anyone. It would make it more permanent, and I was still clinging to hopes I could somehow undo what I believed I'd done.

[boxcar]

I do not claim to be that important to Alll-mer. I just go to Church. I am no Dark Priest, far from an Apostle.

[ That'd be blasphemous, he's pretty sure, to even try and claim the latter. ]

I don't know if that would make it better or worse.

...But Alll-mer did not make me kill, and I do resent the man who did.