[ the Blaring Worry continues as he finds her a little later, after he's presumably taken a break from helping to stabilize the three that came out of cyoa - he'll be sitting at her bedside, cleaning his hands with a stressed expression.
he's usually so very good at being level headed, but wow this one was a gutpunch. shadowheart as a baby crawling on her arms and screaming is a mental image he cannot scrub from his brain. ]
[yeah for future reference her injuries, in addition to a number of miscellaneous scrapes and bumps, are a bunch of bite marks on her torso, right thigh, and left shin. these wounds are pretty nasty but not as bad as they were on baby her. the right knee is super swollen and will be hard to walk on and her torso is bruised to shit so fair to assume her ribs are broken. gunshot wound in her left shoulder, a graze wound on her neck, and another gunshot wound on the right side, though in both cases there's no bullet lodged in there and once the bleeding is stopped she'll be stabilized.
she's asleep while she gets bandaged up, but when she wakes up again, her emotions are still deeply confused and fearful.]
I don't know if I should talk about it before I talk about it with him.
[but it's jiaoqiu, so she will anyway, just explaining.]
At least, that's how I felt about it. The idea that everyone would be talking about and dissecting some awful experience that came from my life, in conversations I wouldn't be apart of... [there's a reason she just got sloppy drunk that night.] How did you feel?
[ his ear flicks, and he nods a little, leaning forward to rest his arms on the bed. ]
It was a little out of my control, I think. That first week, I don't think anybody knew that they were memories. Still, even so... I don't know that it bothered me that others spoke about it so much as I was concerned that it so terribly hurt those who went.
[ ... ]
I suspect I may have seen memories similar to what you experienced, in any case.
That is what I assumed. I watched it terrorize him and a friend at a young age. [ ... ] It apparently showed up when he was being haunted by my memories, as well. Persistent terror.
[ a beat. ]
Were you immersed as well? Your memories replaced.
[god, she'll just explain things about this cyoa i guess instead of being a little bitch.]
It took the form of a friend of mine, someone whose judgment I trust, and convinced me to start killing people. [that sounds bad but like. situationally. there are a lot of problems that do come up in bg3 where the solution is to wander into a random place and just start killing.] So, I did.
[that was not her favorite reaction, but then again, it's her fault for phrasing it in a flippant way. she's talking about it like it's no big deal, and yet it feels like some sort of proof that there's something terribly wrong with her.
but anyway, to that question, she assumes he sort of guesses the answer, so.]
... I know that it's difficult to just believe it, when someone says it to you. [ ... ] These journeys are made to hurt us. They take your most vulnerable parts, and they use them against you, to convince you that you are nothing more than a monster.
We've talked about this before, yes? When you didn't want to remember all that you've done. The person you are now feels remorse and horror for the things she was coerced into doing, yes?
I'm sorry that you were pushed to a limit by someone you trust. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have to weigh everything in the aftermath.
[she squeezes his hand. it hurts to ask for help, when she's feeling like this, all raw edges. she wants to lick her wounds alone like she always does. but it admittedly feels very nice to have someone take her hand and be kind to her.
no matter how she belittles it, he does see how this hurt her, so instead she tells him something else, blinking back tears.]
I think my father was there. And I don't understand, because I don't have a father.
[ he keeps holding her hand, his heart aching at the tears she's blinking back. ]
Are you sure? [ he asks, softer. he doesn't want to push her too hard when she's already so vulnerable, but... ] Or is he one of the things you've had taken from you?
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branchandroot
w4, THURSDAY
Date: 2025-03-13 08:20 pm (UTC)he's usually so very good at being level headed, but wow this one was a gutpunch. shadowheart as a baby crawling on her arms and screaming is a mental image he cannot scrub from his brain. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-13 08:27 pm (UTC)she's asleep while she gets bandaged up, but when she wakes up again, her emotions are still deeply confused and fearful.]
Jiaoqiu?
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Date: 2025-03-13 09:09 pm (UTC)[ immediately, relieved - and he'll shift to something a little more calm and collected, at the confusion. he moves a little closer. ]
You gave us a fright. How are you feeling? [ what's the pain scale. he's got painkillers. ]
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Date: 2025-03-13 09:14 pm (UTC)...Not the best, I would say. Are Anders and Fidelio alright?
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Date: 2025-03-13 09:20 pm (UTC)They're alive, and resting. I've seen to both of them myself.
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Date: 2025-03-13 09:33 pm (UTC)...Good.
[relieved. she was worried about them.]
We weren't together at the end of it, so I didn't know what happened.
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Date: 2025-03-13 09:44 pm (UTC)Where did you end up? [ he has suspicions, because of what he's seen in memories. ]
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Date: 2025-03-13 09:47 pm (UTC)I don't know if I should talk about it before I talk about it with him.
[but it's jiaoqiu, so she will anyway, just explaining.]
At least, that's how I felt about it. The idea that everyone would be talking about and dissecting some awful experience that came from my life, in conversations I wouldn't be apart of... [there's a reason she just got sloppy drunk that night.] How did you feel?
no subject
Date: 2025-03-13 09:53 pm (UTC)It was a little out of my control, I think. That first week, I don't think anybody knew that they were memories. Still, even so... I don't know that it bothered me that others spoke about it so much as I was concerned that it so terribly hurt those who went.
[ ... ]
I suspect I may have seen memories similar to what you experienced, in any case.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-13 09:58 pm (UTC)...Yes. They were Richie's memories. That thing that stalks him and his friends.
[sad, sad, so very sad. and angry, too.]
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Date: 2025-03-13 10:05 pm (UTC)That is what I assumed. I watched it terrorize him and a friend at a young age. [ ... ] It apparently showed up when he was being haunted by my memories, as well. Persistent terror.
[ a beat. ]
Were you immersed as well? Your memories replaced.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-13 10:56 pm (UTC)It's a truly awful thing. But a scorching radiant flame salting the earth will do wonders.
[she's going to go kill that thing in real fucking life god damn it.]
At least for a time. We were all children, we lived in that town.
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Date: 2025-03-13 11:00 pm (UTC)I suppose there isn't a lot that can't be destroyed by radiant flame. [ ... ] It was just the three of you?
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Date: 2025-03-13 11:05 pm (UTC)[just when you bring a guy with a little brother complex to an It CYOA, stuff happens.]
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Date: 2025-03-13 11:54 pm (UTC)Mm. And I imagine horrible things happened to this imaginary Basilio to hurt Fidelio. [ gazes. ]
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Date: 2025-03-14 12:31 am (UTC)[god. it's so obvious in retrospect, but it felt real at the time.]
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Date: 2025-03-14 01:29 am (UTC)Did it use someone against you? [ he figures if she doesn't want to answer she just won't, so. ]
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Date: 2025-03-14 01:37 am (UTC)Yes.
[god, she'll just explain things about this cyoa i guess instead of being a little bitch.]
It took the form of a friend of mine, someone whose judgment I trust, and convinced me to start killing people. [that sounds bad but like. situationally. there are a lot of problems that do come up in bg3 where the solution is to wander into a random place and just start killing.] So, I did.
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Date: 2025-03-14 01:42 am (UTC)he seems a little. alarmed? but not in a necessarily like, you're evil sort of way, just like oh! okay! ]
... I see. [ glances at her. or like, in her direction. it's a little off. ] I really never know what to say in response to things like these.
Just... random people?
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Date: 2025-03-14 01:59 am (UTC)but anyway, to that question, she assumes he sort of guesses the answer, so.]
No, Jiaoqiu, it was not just random people.
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Date: 2025-03-14 02:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-14 02:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-14 02:59 am (UTC)... I know that it's difficult to just believe it, when someone says it to you. [ ... ] These journeys are made to hurt us. They take your most vulnerable parts, and they use them against you, to convince you that you are nothing more than a monster.
We've talked about this before, yes? When you didn't want to remember all that you've done. The person you are now feels remorse and horror for the things she was coerced into doing, yes?
I'm sorry that you were pushed to a limit by someone you trust. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have to weigh everything in the aftermath.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-14 12:49 pm (UTC)no matter how she belittles it, he does see how this hurt her, so instead she tells him something else, blinking back tears.]
I think my father was there. And I don't understand, because I don't have a father.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-14 03:08 pm (UTC)Are you sure? [ he asks, softer. he doesn't want to push her too hard when she's already so vulnerable, but... ] Or is he one of the things you've had taken from you?
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