[it hurts, but compared to all of the injuries she has right now, it's hard to focus too much on that.]
It hurts sometimes, if I try too hard to remember. [so that's another aspect about her inability to remember things. anyway, she sighs, relaxing a little as the initial jolt dies down.]
The thing I can't understand, if he was only there as part of this dream, is why he would have been kind to me. [somehow that's fucking her up more than if he'd just been used like any other memory of a person, the way these things tend to use them. used to manipulate her or torment her or simply canon fodder.]
He... in it, we'd been children together, and then we died and disappeared. And he hadn't been there in the part where we were children, but when I saw him again at the end, it sounded like... he was there because he'd been looking for me. He was trying to find out what happened to me.
[and this is so heart-breaking because she had always wondered if anyone had tried.]
[ he is So Annoyed about the fact that she gets hurt if she tries to remember. another point in the shar fucking sucks column.
but that fades after a moment, as he turns to look at her again, frowning. ]
Is it really so impossible to believe that's the truth? [ a little head tilt. ] You were taken in by the other followers, correct? You never knew your parents?
Shadowheart, with all of the horrible things your order tried to do, I don't think stealing a child from her parents is particularly out of character. Perhaps this journey was trying to tell you that somewhere, in your memories, you know that your father would look for you if he was capable.
I think that sort of lie would not hurt as much as the truth would. And isn't that the goal, of these trips? TO hurt. [ ... ] I will believe it's true for you, if you don't.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2025-03-14 05:43 pm (UTC)[it hurts, but compared to all of the injuries she has right now, it's hard to focus too much on that.]
It hurts sometimes, if I try too hard to remember. [so that's another aspect about her inability to remember things. anyway, she sighs, relaxing a little as the initial jolt dies down.]
The thing I can't understand, if he was only there as part of this dream, is why he would have been kind to me. [somehow that's fucking her up more than if he'd just been used like any other memory of a person, the way these things tend to use them. used to manipulate her or torment her or simply canon fodder.]
He... in it, we'd been children together, and then we died and disappeared. And he hadn't been there in the part where we were children, but when I saw him again at the end, it sounded like... he was there because he'd been looking for me. He was trying to find out what happened to me.
[and this is so heart-breaking because she had always wondered if anyone had tried.]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-15 12:02 am (UTC)but that fades after a moment, as he turns to look at her again, frowning. ]
Is it really so impossible to believe that's the truth? [ a little head tilt. ] You were taken in by the other followers, correct? You never knew your parents?
Shadowheart, with all of the horrible things your order tried to do, I don't think stealing a child from her parents is particularly out of character. Perhaps this journey was trying to tell you that somewhere, in your memories, you know that your father would look for you if he was capable.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-15 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-15 12:42 am (UTC)[ a hum. ]
I think that sort of lie would not hurt as much as the truth would. And isn't that the goal, of these trips? TO hurt. [ ... ] I will believe it's true for you, if you don't.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-15 01:11 am (UTC)I'll think about it. Maybe that's something I can try to do, when i get back.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-15 01:36 am (UTC)I hope that you do. [ ... ] And... in a much more sentimental turn. I'm glad that you came back to us alive.
[ he worries. and obviously cares, very much. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-15 01:44 am (UTC)Thank you, Jiaoqiu.
[even if it feels quite bad right now.]