pc: wis'adel

[sacredpath]

Comments

w4 thursday

[sarkazm]

[hi. she's actually stuck uncharacteristically close, with both shadowheart and anders coming back all fucked up-- not fully hovering, but definitely Around, emotions a whole mess of anger and concern and frustration while everyone gets seen to.

she'll be here once that's all over. still covered in blood, probably still shirtless. it's fine.]

Re: w4 thursday

[sacredpath]

[that's okay she is in hopital, having been tended to, and is recovering, but bandaged up and nasty. her emotions are also all over the place, confused and fearful and sad. and also, along with it, just a sense of a boundary that had come down has been put back in its place.]

I can't stand clowns.

[sarkazm]

What the hell is a clown?

[the worry intensifies a little as she looks over the bandages and injuries, feels that mix of emotions.

but at least being conscious and talking is a good sign.]

[sacredpath]

Wrong audience, I see.

[a sigh.]

It was some sort of nightmare entity. It fed on terror. There was a part where we were children and it was pursuing us, and then a part where we were ourselves again, but fell under its sway.

[this is obviously omitting a lot.]

Have you seen Anders?

[sarkazm]

...Yeah. He was still knocked out, last I saw.

[glancing down at the blood all over her like. hm. is some of this his?? probably, honestly.]

I guess dealing with something like that explains why you all came back losing your shit.

[sacredpath]

[who's to say.]

I was losing my shit because I believed myself to be an ordinary child being eaten by a monster. But I'm not that anymore, and I've fought many a monster and sustained many an injury.

[so, it is all fine.]

Don't let him be alone, please.

[sarkazm]

I believe you! Buuut I also know from experience how bad this shit can mess your head up.

[so she isn't Completely buying it, she's gone through this particular wringer. just a different style of it. you know, the star shaped playdoh squeezer versus the one that makes clay spaghetti noodles.]

... what happened to him?

[sacredpath]

[fair. wis'adel experienced some version of her memories, so she automatically wins the argument.]

I'm not sure. We were separated for that part. But I think it was likely very bad.

[she's genuinely very worried.]

[sarkazm]

Knowing these...? Had to be.

[the worry's reflected in wiš'adel's emotions, though she tries to shove it down.]

I'm checking in on him next, so I'll... see if he's up to talking or what.

[sacredpath]

Good. And Del, of course, but when I saw him at the end, I think it was - I think he did better than either Andy or I did.

[a little laugh, but also she forgets and slips into these names.]

[sarkazm]

Andy?

[oh good when this isn't so fresh and awful she'll be able to tease him back when he fucking calls her griefblade, thank you.]

[sacredpath]

Oh. Oops.

[she seems surprised that she called him that, though, richie actually already always does.]

Anders, I mean.

[sarkazm]

Just one of those things, probably.

[but that mention in your tag does remind me, because she did have eyes for what was going on after she brought anders back-]

What was up with Richie?

[she definitely did not seem super chill about the guy.]

[sacredpath]

[hmm. sad feelings, suddenly.]

What was up with him? What do you mean?

[this is genuine, she isn't deflecting. that was all a blur, earlier.]

[sarkazm]

You reaaaally weren't happy to see that guy, for some reason?

[sacredpath]

[oh. she frowns. surprised, and a little upset, too.]

Is that what you thought?

[is that what he thought?]

I just didn't want to hurt anyone.

[sarkazm]

To hurt anyone-? What was going on in there?

[wherever the hell "there" was.]

[sacredpath]

[she's avoiding saying it on purpose, there's a feeling of hesitation. just. it doesn't feel right to her, to tell people without talking to him first. she knows how trapped she felt when it was her memories that others were paraded through]

...It was not good. It was a nightmare - an entity, I mean, not merely metaphorically. At first we we believed ourselves to be ordinary young children, and the entity stalked us, hunted us like prey. And then we were adults, and it... used us. I'm not sure if it wanted vengeance or just more torment.

[sarkazm]

...you were pretty out of it, but-- you actually were kids, when you got back. No ears on Fidelio or anything.

[fucked up, man.]

Sorry. That you got used by shit like that.

[sacredpath]

It's - [well, she was going to say it's not fine.

it's really not fine at all.]

I hate that it's so easy. I keep resolving to change and thinking I have, but even despite all of that, I -

[sarkazm]

Don't put it all on you. This shit-- it finds a way, right? It made me hurt Theresa. Theresa.

[in ways she never would have without it changing her, removing her memories to make it happen. wis'adel killed theresa to save her, she never wanted to see her harmed, she wouldn't ever have--

her emotions roil, anger and frustration and a little helplessness at the memory, and she exhales.]

[sacredpath]

[yeah. she feels relief at that. maybe she doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to admit how afraid it made her feel, but she needs the reminder that these things can happen to anyone. there's not just something fundamentally damaged about her.]

I know. I know. I just don't know how much I can trust myself right now.

[sarkazm]

Probably about as much as I could trust my memories, which... wasn't much.

[there's no point sugarcoating it. she wouldn't have believed anyone who told her it was all okay while her memories were actively fucking up.]

But you can trust me not to let you do anything you're gonna regret later, 'kay? Just don't be too mad if you wake up with a headache.

[sacredpath]

I wish I could be sure of that, too.

[shaking her head, suddenly hit by more uncertainty.]

I was confused, but the person who was telling me what to do wasn't someone like... Lady Shar, or the Mother Superior. She was someone I trust. Since I wasn't sure, I thought it was safe enough to follow her directions.

[there's no way, really, for her to put her faith in someone else, either. she just has to try and muddle through this confused mess.]

[sarkazm]

Oh, I don't mean emotionally trust me! More like-- you're all fucked up right now, and I'm not, so if you lose it and try to hurt anybody... what do you think is really gonna happen?

[she shrugs one shoulder, waving a hand.]

I'm not gonna just let you. So. Revisit the rest of that when your head feels like it's back on straight.