pc: wis'adel

[sacredpath]

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[sacredpath]

[oh. she frowns. surprised, and a little upset, too.]

Is that what you thought?

[is that what he thought?]

I just didn't want to hurt anyone.

[sarkazm]

To hurt anyone-? What was going on in there?

[wherever the hell "there" was.]

[sacredpath]

[she's avoiding saying it on purpose, there's a feeling of hesitation. just. it doesn't feel right to her, to tell people without talking to him first. she knows how trapped she felt when it was her memories that others were paraded through]

...It was not good. It was a nightmare - an entity, I mean, not merely metaphorically. At first we we believed ourselves to be ordinary young children, and the entity stalked us, hunted us like prey. And then we were adults, and it... used us. I'm not sure if it wanted vengeance or just more torment.

[sarkazm]

...you were pretty out of it, but-- you actually were kids, when you got back. No ears on Fidelio or anything.

[fucked up, man.]

Sorry. That you got used by shit like that.

[sacredpath]

It's - [well, she was going to say it's not fine.

it's really not fine at all.]

I hate that it's so easy. I keep resolving to change and thinking I have, but even despite all of that, I -

[sarkazm]

Don't put it all on you. This shit-- it finds a way, right? It made me hurt Theresa. Theresa.

[in ways she never would have without it changing her, removing her memories to make it happen. wis'adel killed theresa to save her, she never wanted to see her harmed, she wouldn't ever have--

her emotions roil, anger and frustration and a little helplessness at the memory, and she exhales.]

[sacredpath]

[yeah. she feels relief at that. maybe she doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to admit how afraid it made her feel, but she needs the reminder that these things can happen to anyone. there's not just something fundamentally damaged about her.]

I know. I know. I just don't know how much I can trust myself right now.

[sarkazm]

Probably about as much as I could trust my memories, which... wasn't much.

[there's no point sugarcoating it. she wouldn't have believed anyone who told her it was all okay while her memories were actively fucking up.]

But you can trust me not to let you do anything you're gonna regret later, 'kay? Just don't be too mad if you wake up with a headache.

[sacredpath]

I wish I could be sure of that, too.

[shaking her head, suddenly hit by more uncertainty.]

I was confused, but the person who was telling me what to do wasn't someone like... Lady Shar, or the Mother Superior. She was someone I trust. Since I wasn't sure, I thought it was safe enough to follow her directions.

[there's no way, really, for her to put her faith in someone else, either. she just has to try and muddle through this confused mess.]

[sarkazm]

Oh, I don't mean emotionally trust me! More like-- you're all fucked up right now, and I'm not, so if you lose it and try to hurt anybody... what do you think is really gonna happen?

[she shrugs one shoulder, waving a hand.]

I'm not gonna just let you. So. Revisit the rest of that when your head feels like it's back on straight.

[sacredpath]

Oh. [considering...] Yes, I agree. That is better. If I go insane and try to kill someone, I would greatly appreciate being prevented from doing so.

[sarkazm]

Like I said! You might wake up with a headache, but besides that? No harm done. Probably.

[sacredpath]

True. That's one way to resolve it.