pc: wis'adel

[sacredpath]

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[sacredpath]

[smiling back, a bit placid.]

No, it certainly isn't ideal. But I'm glad you remember now.

[sarkazm]

Only sort of. I still--

I don't think I ever really knew what the hell was going on.

[sacredpath]

What happened to all of you?

[were you drafted into a war.]

[sarkazm]

I don't know, we were doing some kind of trials? Then-

[...]

Oh. Guess the bomb's how I lost those fingers.

[sacredpath]

So you blew yourself up. Well, better you than someone else, I'm sure.

[trials sounds better than a war, at least.

[sarkazm]

Okay, look, I didn't remember shit at the time, it's not my fault that thing was so powerful.

[she just threw it, man.

wiš'adel huffs, rubbing at her face-- wincing as her hand stings.]

[sacredpath]

I know, I know. I'm sorry you were hurt.

[she was just trying to keep it light a bit.]

[sarkazm]

I'm fine, it's just been annoying to catch shit for!

[exploding herself?? fucking amateur hour. ugh.]

Don't be too sorry. The worst of it's from the other me.

[she's gotta respect her own clone for it.]

[sacredpath]

You had to fight yourself? A novel experience. I had to do so once, as well. You never learn your own strengths and weaknesses quite so quickly, do you?

[sarkazm]

You really don't! She wasn't so bad. Kinda liked that part.

[of course she'd give herself a good fight.]

...buuut I guess that saves me from asking whether you were familiar.

[pausing, just for a second, before she takes the bandages off her injured hand so shadowheart can see the wound there. what's up bestie i got a matching freaky wound haha #justgirlythings]

I came out of there with this.

[sacredpath]

[well, she didn't assume from "i fought my clone" that this had anything to do with her or her life.

so she immediately freezes when she fucking sees this?]

What?

[sarkazm]

It's exactly what I said. I got it while we were gone.

[she likes shadowheart enough, and remembers enough of the circumstances surrounding the wound on her own hand, to not be an asshole about repeating it.]

[sacredpath]

[well. she can put the pieces together, but that doesn't mean she knows what they stand for.]

...So it was like with Jiaoqiu?

[sarkazm]

I think so...? To be honest, I didn't know a lot about what was going on most of the time.

...more or less all the time.

[sacredpath]

The memories.

[ugh. things are starting to make some sense now.]

...Yes. I'm missing them, too.

[sarkazm]

Wait, you are-?

[well, shit.]

Then I guess that explains getting my head wiped-- which sucked, by the way! You've had to put up with that?

[sacredpath]

I've given up my memories, yes.

[but that's a big part of why she can't exactly commiserate about things that happened to her. who knows what those things were.]

[sarkazm]

Given up? Like... on purpose?

[sacredpath]

Like on purpose. [though, given how she's been thinking about this all week, and given how much wis'adel knows, she'll add.] At least, that's what was explained to me! There's no way for me to actually know if they told the truth.

[sarkazm]

...guess there wouldn't be, yeah.

[considering, for a moment, before-]

Hey. If it's like what happened to Jiaoqiu, do you want me to tell you what I remember happening?

[if it's like that-- well. she figures it's shadowheart's business whether she wants to hear about it. who knows if they were just getting fucked with, anyway?]

[sacredpath]

Thank you for asking.

[she bites her lip a little.]

...I'm not sure. Maybe it would be good to know. It's only that I really don't know what you might have seen.

[sarkazm]

Let me put it this way. I don't think you'd like it.

[this is-- not so much a favor, she thinks.]

But if it all lines up? I think it's the kind of thing you should consider hearing anyway.

[sacredpath]

[she says it blunty enough that shadowheart isn't going to refuse, no.]

...Alright. Tell me.

[sarkazm]

So, a lot of it I didn't remember at the time. It's a little fucked up in my head, I won't lie, I kept-- getting things blanked out again.

[just a disclaimer if she stops making any damn sense, because she knows it's liable to be a little rambly.]

But I can remember coming to in front of some kind of-- mirror, I think? Before they brought me to someone they'd restrained, and told me to make them repent. Said I didn't do it well enough before, even though I couldn't remember shit. And I tried, but she knew me, she acted all worried about me, so I tried a different tactic. [...] Some bitch with her face covered was like no, that's not right, your turn to get fucking stabbed, and put a knife through my hand.

I came to without remembering any of it, or even my name. Had to do it all again. Felt like total shit, like-- like it'd been longer, but I couldn't tell anything. They thought I did fine that time, except of course after I was done Anders had to give me shit!

[fuck you too anders (except not, because she does appreciate in retrospect that he gave her shit for it, but. like she'd just say it.)]

...I didn't remember him at all, but he said he always liked me the least the first day after I had my memory wiped. Guess it happened to me a lot. He told me complying's fine, but I took it pretty far, and that he was worried I'd like it. That I'd end up really being one of them, one of the people who just... wanted me to hurt whoever they told me to.

And then I forgot literally all of that again before I came to with Koharu. Wait, no, that was-- before?

Shit. Whatever. We all hunted down an artifact to destroy it, but it was actually a person, so, you know, not a great look for whoever wanted that done?

[sacredpath]

[this is a lot - as soon as wis'adel starts providing specifics, she's getting frightened. but there's something about wis'adel; she doesn't want to look like a coward to her. she doesn't want to admit she can't handle hearing this, isn't sure she wants to know about this.

so she sits and listens, her expression stilled, but her mind traveling miles a minute.]

...I know about the artefact that was actually a person. The rest I don't know. Perhaps something similar happened to me, and perhaps it didn't. I don't have any memory of that period of my life.

[so anything could have happened to her. and she could have done anything, too. it's terrifying, and hearing about torture and knives and making people repent is not doing much to soothe her fears.]