Mm. Pretty sure we made the best decision under the circumstances, but... definitely one I would've preferred not to make.
[ like. god. hawke was one of the last people he would have wanted to vote for in any situation specifically because he knew how much anders was counting on him to take care of things in their world. ]
It's the inability to do anything about it that's killin' me. Used to bein' able to fight back in some way, at least, but how the hell do you even do that with some unknown force that's takin' people over against their will?
[ he takes a drink, then frowns into his glass. ]
...Tried everything we could to get outta that damned library, y'know? Hopin' we could prevent whatever was going to happen. Couldn't do shite, yet soon as we fell asleep, killer got to come in and turn the place into a carnage explosion right over our bloody heads without us bein' none the wiser.
...If nothin' else, I could at least trust I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt Bas, and I never had to worry 'bout him gettin' turned into someone I don't know overnight. Didn't matter how bad things got, 'cause I'd make sure he'd survive or I'd die tryin'.
Well, obviously I remember my own name, I know about my mission, my faith, and I remember basic things about the world. I haven't forgotten that fire is hot or which end of a knife is sharp.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2025-02-23 03:34 am (UTC)Boo.
[ he takes a seat next to her, shaking his head. ]
That was a bloody nightmare.
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Date: 2025-02-23 04:06 am (UTC)[but what is there to do about it but be tired and drunk and in an awful mood.]
...I hate seeing people destroy themselves this way.
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Date: 2025-02-23 04:24 am (UTC)Anders, you mean?
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Date: 2025-02-23 04:36 am (UTC)[though not only him. it was brutal levels of emotion everywhere.]
And others. That much pain... I hate having to experience it.
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Date: 2025-02-23 05:40 am (UTC)...Guess you could look at bein' forced into making such a tough decision like that too, huh?
[ the less active kind of self destruction that none of them had any choice but to engage in. ]
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Date: 2025-02-23 01:07 pm (UTC)[man.]
But I think all of us feel more Anders more than we feel conflict over the decision.
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Date: 2025-02-23 03:24 pm (UTC)[ like. god. hawke was one of the last people he would have wanted to vote for in any situation specifically because he knew how much anders was counting on him to take care of things in their world. ]
Hits a little closer to home each time.
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Date: 2025-02-23 03:25 pm (UTC)[it's exhausting, having to care this much.]
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Date: 2025-02-23 03:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-02-23 03:31 pm (UTC)[why can't she not care about any of these freaks the way she should be able to.]
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Date: 2025-02-23 03:56 pm (UTC)[ he takes a drink, then frowns into his glass. ]
...Tried everything we could to get outta that damned library, y'know? Hopin' we could prevent whatever was going to happen. Couldn't do shite, yet soon as we fell asleep, killer got to come in and turn the place into a carnage explosion right over our bloody heads without us bein' none the wiser.
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Date: 2025-02-23 08:32 pm (UTC)[curious.]
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Date: 2025-02-23 09:42 pm (UTC)No, but... yeah?
...If nothin' else, I could at least trust I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt Bas, and I never had to worry 'bout him gettin' turned into someone I don't know overnight. Didn't matter how bad things got, 'cause I'd make sure he'd survive or I'd die tryin'.
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Date: 2025-02-24 12:19 am (UTC)It doesn't feel unfamiliar to me. To know that there's nothing we can do to stop it from continuing, so we simply must endure.
But I see why that's different. He's lucky to have someone like you.
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Date: 2025-02-24 12:39 am (UTC)Rotten thing to have to be used to.
...That mission you mentioned before, that have anything to do with it? Or was that somethin' else?
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Date: 2025-02-24 01:24 am (UTC)[she drums her fingers on the table, takes another drink.]
Not exactly. I don't know what I mean. I don't remember. It's just what makes sense to me.
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Date: 2025-02-24 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-02-24 01:33 am (UTC)I don't have memories from before the past few weeks. I know why, and it's fine.
[it's fine!]
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Date: 2025-02-24 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-02-24 02:14 am (UTC)Well, obviously I remember my own name, I know about my mission, my faith, and I remember basic things about the world. I haven't forgotten that fire is hot or which end of a knife is sharp.
But about myself, personally? Nothing.
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Date: 2025-02-24 03:44 am (UTC)[ or do you not remember that part... ]
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Date: 2025-02-24 12:52 pm (UTC)[looking at her drink.]
Supposedly. Of course, since I don't remember agreeing to it, there's no way to prove that.
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Date: 2025-02-24 02:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-02-24 02:58 pm (UTC)No kidding. At least now, here, in death, I wouldn't mind being able to remember.