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branchandroot
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Date: 2025-03-09 03:38 am (UTC)It's not as though she wasn't aware some of the people she showed that warmth to would only hurt her.
[it's not even the case that it hadn't happened before.]
But for her values to be discarded so cheaply...
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Date: 2025-03-09 03:42 am (UTC)[ and he understands it because he and elysia were so similar in those ways. someone could kill yves for an apple and he wouldn't care, but. ]
But... as her friends, I think we can be unhappy on her behalf.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:00 am (UTC)I know she would have been unsurprised, understood, but even so... It would be wonderful if seeing the best in everyone could change them, make them rise to it. But I increasingly doubt it.
[and if redemption is just a crock of shit, what are they even doing here.]
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:05 am (UTC)It depends on how much you think people need to be changed. I don't like what he did, but I also don't know his reason. And... it's okay, to decide that it's not worth it no matter what it is. I just think... people try very hard to rationalize their choices.
[ and can be resistant to change ]
Even still... I'm pretty sure Ellie still wouldn't have changed her outlook.
Sometimes, even if your ending is tragic... it can feel worth it, if you were able to reach even a few people that you love. Even just one.
[ a beat ]
But I might be assuming too much.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:14 am (UTC)[they were very similar, in so many ways. at least in how they chose to treat others.]
It might not have changed her outlook, but I'm afraid that it does change mine. [even if she's not sure she wants it to.]
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:19 am (UTC)... does that frustrate you?
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:28 am (UTC)[it would be nice if it was as easy as just believing.]
I was raised to see the world so differently than that. But I want there to be something better.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:32 am (UTC)... I know that it can be hard to see through it in your grief. Your reasonable frustration and anger. I think you should feel all those things, because you still can, and that's another way of showing how much you loved Ellie.
[ things that yves wishes that he could still feel. ]
But I do believe there's still something better. One person shouldn't have the ability to steal your hope like that. He doesn't deserve the chance.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:51 am (UTC)I don't know if it's quite one person stealing it.
[she simply didn't have much to begin with.]
But I would feel rather pitiful, if I were to give up entirely.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:55 am (UTC)[ a gentle squeeze of her hands ]
I promise the world is better than whatever we're forced to endure on Saturdays.
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Date: 2025-03-09 01:37 pm (UTC)Well, fine. I hardly want to break anyone's heart.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:45 pm (UTC)his expression softens with the agreement, even if he understands that trying to move forward from here is a tightrope walk. it is so hard to hope. ]
... thanks. [ softly ] Please keep trying. I will, too.
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Date: 2025-03-10 12:56 am (UTC)[she knows he means it sincerely. squeezing his hand back.]
I know that you will. [...] You're very like her, you know. I find it easy to believe in you, too.
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Date: 2025-03-10 02:08 am (UTC)If I could be anything like Ellie, then that's the greatest compliment I've ever received.
[ and he does seem to mean that too ]
The only thing I can say for certain is that she and I both definitely love you, and want to see to your happiness. If there's anything I want you to believe in, it's that.
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Date: 2025-03-10 12:41 pm (UTC)[both of them showed her such kindness and somehow forced her to believe in it instead of rejecting it.
it's still not easy. there's a lot to her that even she doesn't know. and she knows it would mean something to him, if she could express herself back as easily, but she isn't used to this, she's a sharp instrument, and he feels so fragile that she's afraid to try.]
I wish for your happiness, too. I only wish I knew how to help you with your hurts as easily as you help me. I know you may not feel them, but that doesn't mean they aren't there.
[is he just running around reopening the emotional wounds, too, without noticing?]
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Date: 2025-03-11 02:22 am (UTC)to say that he's surprised is an understatement, and his eyes widen. ]
... is that what you think...?
[ and he'll give her hands a squeeze, gentle, mindful that his own are still bandaged and he doesn't want to bleed grossly on her ]
Shadowheart... I've remembered everything you've said to me. Every kind word and every push. I think I'm finally getting an idea of what everyone was saying to me, that I shouldn't be so quick to be apathetic to being gone...
But if I'm making any progress, you have to know that you played a large part in it. I know... I can be hard to comfort. [ as someone who processes his own emotional pain quietly or apart from others ] Even still, you've always been there for me.
I'm really grateful for... well, you.
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Date: 2025-03-11 12:31 pm (UTC)You express things so straightforwardly, and that's never been something I'm good at.
[so she really did just assume all of her efforts to return his kindness were not adding up to much.]
That makes me very happy.
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Date: 2025-03-12 12:50 am (UTC)Well, you make me happy, so I think that we're about even. If you ever have doubts again, just let me know so I can dispel them right away.