pc: Laurence

[sacredpath]

Comments

[outdistanced]

It's really not what you'd expect from a place like heaven. Or... I didn't, at least. But I guess some things aren't fair no matter where you go.

[sacredpath]

I don't think there's anything about this that gives me a lot of trust in this place, you know?

[outdistanced]

I'm still getting used to the idea of not being able to trust the people in charge, but... yeah. It feels like there's less every week.

[sacredpath]

You should get used to that idea. It's generally good life advice, even if your Tower turns out to be perfectly unremarkable and fine.

[outdistanced]

...It's not.

[sacredpath]

I know.

[but it's good you can say so, buddy.]

Tell me?

[outdistanced]

[ his shoulders slump as he shoves his hands into his pockets. ]

Someone told me that Madam has been selling demiflora parts to spawncampers. Even showed me a whole room of Lily eyes to prove it.

[ he sounds miserable, maybe even a little ill just speaking of it. ]

I never knew until recently. And I don't know where she's even getting them - if it's demiflora that somehow got through security, or maybe people living in the Tower who broke the rules somehow... It's not like people just disappear every day, but there are so many people, we may not even notice if they did.

[sacredpath]

[well. fucking hell. that's incredibly dark. and he's been sitting here with that knowledge this whole time, trying to deny it?]

...Is that something you found out before you came here?

[outdistanced]

Just a couple of weeks before. And I don't know if there's anything I can actually do about it, if there's anything at all... It's hard enough just trying to train my powers without Madam finding out.

[sacredpath]

Thank you for telling me.

[she thinks of him defending it all this time, and feels like she sort of understands.]

The place I am from is not so great, either. I get the sense we both do understand what it's like to have to wait, pretending to comply, until you finally have a chance to try.

[outdistanced]

I guess we do. I just... don't have anywhere else to go, even if I knew what to do about Madam.

[ at least not yet. outside of the tower... it's dangerous, and he doesn't know enough yet to know how to deal with it. ]

Is that what you meant when you said Shar's orders can be hard to follow? What kinds of things was she asking?

[ and what could you even do about a goddess in the first place? ]

[sacredpath]

[she nods.]

It is. I've never been particularly good at being a Sharran. There's the version of what we believe that we tell outsiders, but the reality is a lot different. Shar doesn't only represent darkness of the night, but also darkness of the heart, emptiness, loss. We're tasked to extinguish hope, happiness, love, the dream of a better tomorrow - in our own hearts, and the hearts of others.

[it's just basically a cult that believes in pure nihilism.]

I haven't been hiding that because I'm secretly planning to try and... crush all of your hopes, or something. It's only that if I put it plainly, all of you would immediately question why I would continue to be part of that. As though rejecting Lady Shar is a simple decision, or a safe thing to do.

[outdistanced]

...Oh. I can see why you wouldn't like how it felt.

[ it sounds horrible, honestly, and shadowheart always struck him as a compassionate person, despite how cutting as some of her comments can be. no wonder she'd struggle. ]

Kind of like how everyone's been asking me why I stay in the Tower? [ yeah. sounds familiar. ] I get it. It's not that easy when the one running things is that strong... and your goddess sounds even harder to deal with than Madam.

[sacredpath]

I've never wondered why you stay.

[only wanted to question some of the things he said, point out that it doesn't sound right. but she never questioned why he stayed. he's just a kid who has never seen the outside world before. where would he even go?]

My goddess yes, and the rest of my order, too. They took me in when I was a child. [so she never had anywhere else to go, either.] But that doesn't mean I think giving in is the right answer, only that it's not exactly easy.

[outdistanced]

Yeah, I understand that now.

[ so many people had insisted that the tower is terrible by default that he’d just assumed everyone felt the same. he didn’t expect someone would be in a similar position. ]

I don’t think giving in is the answer, either. But - it is hard not to, or at least to find the right time to do something about it. I don’t know when that’ll be, for me.