[He watches the child intently, as though seeing her experience a similar upbringing could soothe his bitterness over his own. Except it doesn't. There's no comfort in seeing memories of seeing another being treated like this. Eventually, he turns away and returns to the gentle light as though it's a beacon for lost souls. Being born knowing this light changes nothing in the world. Perhaps it might even make one ignorant about its harsh truths. But it would change one's world entirely to be raised with kindness and with others.
He thinks about the words he spoke to the First Child, "You and I are made of the same matter and appear to be children of men, made to live on this planet. But what is different... are the people we have come across, and how we have lived our lives up until now. You and I are very similar, but we are not the same."
He keeps trying to follow the light. Wherever it might take him. It's better than the dark.]
she is not a good sharran though, and even if the cat will die, she hates to see an animal hurt. she hates to see him toxic yaoi another boy into having to kill him.]
Do you still feel that way?
[she just wants to know if he's changed at all. he's seemed to change, over the past few weeks, from the boy who was so rigid in his way of seeing the world, a way of seeing that is obviously the fault of the circumstances he lived through. even in this memory, he's clearly trying, but the outcome is horrific.]
Yes. I still believe that there's kindness in giving someone a merciful death. Yet people put their own fear of feeling guilt over showing that kindness. Though at least some people here have been able to do the right thing.
[Like Anders with Hawke. He shifts to put his hands in his pockets, scuffing his shoe on the floor.]
Yes. What I would have suffered at the hands of the committee would have been much worse. And I got to die knowing someone cared about me and I'd be remembered.
Though... now, more than ever, I wish our meeting had been different. If I could try again, I wouldn't do it the same way.
I don't know if I agree that that's all that matters. You're thinking about what you want, about what he can make you feel, but what about how you make him feel?
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He thinks about the words he spoke to the First Child, "You and I are made of the same matter and appear to be children of men, made to live on this planet. But what is different... are the people we have come across, and how we have lived our lives up until now. You and I are very similar, but we are not the same."
He keeps trying to follow the light. Wherever it might take him. It's better than the dark.]
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I wouldn't keep going deeper. There's not all that much, that way.
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Did you ever live in the light? Or is it an echo of what could have been?
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...I don't know. Maybe I did, once, but I can't remember anymore.
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[He thinks he could understand struggling with that ambiguity.]
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[it's not the kind of thing she could know the answer to. maybe she'll remember it someday, but maybe she won't.
anyway, gimme a memory back.]
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she is not a good sharran though, and even if the cat will die, she hates to see an animal hurt. she hates to see him toxic yaoi another boy into having to kill him.]
Do you still feel that way?
[she just wants to know if he's changed at all. he's seemed to change, over the past few weeks, from the boy who was so rigid in his way of seeing the world, a way of seeing that is obviously the fault of the circumstances he lived through. even in this memory, he's clearly trying, but the outcome is horrific.]
Are you glad he did it?
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[Like Anders with Hawke. He shifts to put his hands in his pockets, scuffing his shoe on the floor.]
Yes. What I would have suffered at the hands of the committee would have been much worse. And I got to die knowing someone cared about me and I'd be remembered.
Though... now, more than ever, I wish our meeting had been different. If I could try again, I wouldn't do it the same way.
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You'll be remembered, but for him, your memory will always hurt.
[not that she thinks he should have died at the hands of these people who hurt him. but he should know, too.]
What would you do differently, if you could?
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[he'd never had much so he'll take what he can get. Even if the memory hurts at least it exists.]
I don't know exactly. But I'd approach him for my own reasons and not because the committee instructed me to watch him.
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[doesn't that matter, too?]
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But no he actually lets his gaze connect with hers.]
I hope he comes to understand he did the right thing even if it was painful and will find comfort in knowing that truth.
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[but he doesn't seem to get it.]
Do you even want to go back, then? Get another chance with him?
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[He laces his fingers together and shrugs a little.]
But I don't know if you can redo what has been done.
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[there are cute boys in every universe but most of them don't put children in boxes for their whole life.]
Not that mine is significantly improved...
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[he looks up at her.]
Your world has many different paths. I've seen them. There's hope.
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[there's not freedom from that just because there are choices.]
I rejected my purpose, and maybe that was meant to do, but it doesn't mean I have a sense of what the future ought to hold for me.