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[he can keep following it, but the memory gets blurry here, fades. and shadowheart comes after him, tries to catch him by the sleeve.]
I wouldn't keep going deeper. There's not all that much, that way.
I wouldn't keep going deeper. There's not all that much, that way.
[He does stop when she catches his sleeve. He looks around once more, as though the light might shine through the blur but there's nothing.]
Did you ever live in the light? Or is it an echo of what could have been?
Did you ever live in the light? Or is it an echo of what could have been?
[that's a good question, and it makes the wound on her hand throb.]
...I don't know. Maybe I did, once, but I can't remember anymore.
...I don't know. Maybe I did, once, but I can't remember anymore.
Will you ever remember? Or do you have to go on without knowing the truth?
[He thinks he could understand struggling with that ambiguity.]
[He thinks he could understand struggling with that ambiguity.]
I don't know.
[it's not the kind of thing she could know the answer to. maybe she'll remember it someday, but maybe she won't.
anyway, gimme a memory back.]
[it's not the kind of thing she could know the answer to. maybe she'll remember it someday, but maybe she won't.
anyway, gimme a memory back.]
[he would be such a good sharran it's crazy.
she is not a good sharran though, and even if the cat will die, she hates to see an animal hurt. she hates to see him toxic yaoi another boy into having to kill him.]
Do you still feel that way?
[she just wants to know if he's changed at all. he's seemed to change, over the past few weeks, from the boy who was so rigid in his way of seeing the world, a way of seeing that is obviously the fault of the circumstances he lived through. even in this memory, he's clearly trying, but the outcome is horrific.]
Are you glad he did it?
she is not a good sharran though, and even if the cat will die, she hates to see an animal hurt. she hates to see him toxic yaoi another boy into having to kill him.]
Do you still feel that way?
[she just wants to know if he's changed at all. he's seemed to change, over the past few weeks, from the boy who was so rigid in his way of seeing the world, a way of seeing that is obviously the fault of the circumstances he lived through. even in this memory, he's clearly trying, but the outcome is horrific.]
Are you glad he did it?
Yes. I still believe that there's kindness in giving someone a merciful death. Yet people put their own fear of feeling guilt over showing that kindness. Though at least some people here have been able to do the right thing.
[Like Anders with Hawke. He shifts to put his hands in his pockets, scuffing his shoe on the floor.]
Yes. What I would have suffered at the hands of the committee would have been much worse. And I got to die knowing someone cared about me and I'd be remembered.
Though... now, more than ever, I wish our meeting had been different. If I could try again, I wouldn't do it the same way.
[Like Anders with Hawke. He shifts to put his hands in his pockets, scuffing his shoe on the floor.]
Yes. What I would have suffered at the hands of the committee would have been much worse. And I got to die knowing someone cared about me and I'd be remembered.
Though... now, more than ever, I wish our meeting had been different. If I could try again, I wouldn't do it the same way.
[that's true, from his perspective.]
You'll be remembered, but for him, your memory will always hurt.
[not that she thinks he should have died at the hands of these people who hurt him. but he should know, too.]
What would you do differently, if you could?
You'll be remembered, but for him, your memory will always hurt.
[not that she thinks he should have died at the hands of these people who hurt him. but he should know, too.]
What would you do differently, if you could?
Not all memories are pleasant. But what matters is that it doesn't fade.
[he'd never had much so he'll take what he can get. Even if the memory hurts at least it exists.]
I don't know exactly. But I'd approach him for my own reasons and not because the committee instructed me to watch him.
[he'd never had much so he'll take what he can get. Even if the memory hurts at least it exists.]
I don't know exactly. But I'd approach him for my own reasons and not because the committee instructed me to watch him.
I don't know if I agree that that's all that matters. You're thinking about what you want, about what he can make you feel, but what about how you make him feel?
[doesn't that matter, too?]
[doesn't that matter, too?]
[No. Because Manga Shinji is the wooooorrrrsssstttt.
But no he actually lets his gaze connect with hers.]
I hope he comes to understand he did the right thing even if it was painful and will find comfort in knowing that truth.
But no he actually lets his gaze connect with hers.]
I hope he comes to understand he did the right thing even if it was painful and will find comfort in knowing that truth.
I hope so, too.
[but he doesn't seem to get it.]
Do you even want to go back, then? Get another chance with him?
[but he doesn't seem to get it.]
Do you even want to go back, then? Get another chance with him?
I don't know. I'm still trying to understand what I want. At the time, I was happy knowing he cared for me at least a little.
[He laces his fingers together and shrugs a little.]
But I don't know if you can redo what has been done.
[He laces his fingers together and shrugs a little.]
But I don't know if you can redo what has been done.
You can't. But you could experience something new.
That's true. I just have to find what I want that to be.
Maybe it wouldn't have to be in the same place you left. No offense, but it seems terrible there.
[there are cute boys in every universe but most of them don't put children in boxes for their whole life.]
Not that mine is significantly improved...
[there are cute boys in every universe but most of them don't put children in boxes for their whole life.]
Not that mine is significantly improved...
Yes. That's why this chance at a second life... I don't even know if I want that. I fulfilled my purpose by rejecting it.
[he looks up at her.]
Your world has many different paths. I've seen them. There's hope.
[he looks up at her.]
Your world has many different paths. I've seen them. There's hope.
That's true. But it is still a world where cruel and terrible things happen to people who don't deserve it.
[there's not freedom from that just because there are choices.]
I rejected my purpose, and maybe that was meant to do, but it doesn't mean I have a sense of what the future ought to hold for me.
[there's not freedom from that just because there are choices.]
I rejected my purpose, and maybe that was meant to do, but it doesn't mean I have a sense of what the future ought to hold for me.
[Slowly... sidling up next to her and just standing there. What do you actually feel Shart? He's curious.]
[her emotions are nowhere near as sexy and mysterious and she would like them to seem.
she had a long and difficult weekend, and is still feeling tired and drained, but she's not feeling despair or the intense anger she'd been feeling on sunday. she's determined to keep going, fueled by a mix of spite and something more positive.
also, she becomes playfully amused when she notices him.]
Are you being nosy?
she had a long and difficult weekend, and is still feeling tired and drained, but she's not feeling despair or the intense anger she'd been feeling on sunday. she's determined to keep going, fueled by a mix of spite and something more positive.
also, she becomes playfully amused when she notices him.]
Are you being nosy?
[Guilty as charged! But he's not inclined to lie so he shrugs and confesses to his crime.]
I was curious.
[That's just a nicer name for 'nosy'.]
I was curious.
[That's just a nicer name for 'nosy'.]
Is there really a difference?
[If there is, a child might not be interested in the difference. Kaworu is brimming with curiosity and an innocent joy. Someone who is happy just to return to a room where someone else is there instead of empty solitary space. Someone pleased to have anyone pay him mind. Someone excited to have kids his age to talk to.
And all he wants is to pursue those things for as long as he can.]
[If there is, a child might not be interested in the difference. Kaworu is brimming with curiosity and an innocent joy. Someone who is happy just to return to a room where someone else is there instead of empty solitary space. Someone pleased to have anyone pay him mind. Someone excited to have kids his age to talk to.
And all he wants is to pursue those things for as long as he can.]
[that's actually not at all what she expected from him. she expected him to be a little nastier inside his little gremlin heart.
it's... so cute... that is her emotion.]
Possibly not, but I think nosy implies that you know you ought not to be doing something and are doing it anyway.
it's... so cute... that is her emotion.]
Possibly not, but I think nosy implies that you know you ought not to be doing something and are doing it anyway.
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