pc: uruha

[sacredpath]

Comments

[kumeyuri]

[STILL BAD]

... I know this is part of your religious practices, but I really don't think you should be punished for something like this. Why aren't you supposed to know about this?

[sacredpath]

…You don’t have to be polite about my religious practices.

[she doesn’t talk about it so openly but she knows it’s not good.]

Theoretically, this is my bond with Lady Shar. She represents darkness, absence, loss. As her acolyte, I am training my mind to be able to embrace her. I surrendered my connections to anything but my faith, I accepted a bond with her that will remind me to turn my mind away from things that would distract me from worshipping her. Truly embracing Lady Shar is not easy. It requires focus, meditation, prayer. These sacrifices are no different than an adherent of another religion taking a vow of poverty, or of celibacy. Once the mind of an acolyte is trained, even the pain itself will be transcended. It won’t hurt anymore.

That’s one theory. The other one is that my memories were taken and this wound induced in me to control me, to keep me from questioning, to keep me compliant and dependent.

[and she’s starting to have a sense of which one she believes is true.]

Still. Either way, there’s no solution to the pain but to endure, and endure it I can.

[kumeyuri]

[thinks of his very devout teacher who also basically broke every one of his buddhist vows at some point or another.]

You'd think that if training your mind was the point, it'd prove more sincere if it was by your own willpower and not 'cause you received a nasty shock every time you strayed...

[half-muttering.]

... All right. [he'll take her word for it, regarding enduring the pain.] Though, where does that leave you now? I don't have a great feeling about that rite of passage, to be honest.

[sacredpath]

[good question.]

No. I don’t think it’s a great idea.

[she sighs.]

She seemed to know something about me. She felt familiar, oddly so, and she referenced the wolves. It’s one of the only things I can really remember. [she dreams about the wolf often enough.] I’m not sure how much she really knew, but I was curious enough to consider defying Lady Shar.

But it didn’t go well. I died. I never learned any of the answers she promised, I never had the chance to try a different path. And when I arrived here, I felt that there were some signs that maybe Lady Shar would accept be back if I made up for what I did. So I was considering it, considering trying to change my decision.

But the more I think about it and talk about it, the more I feel that maybe even if I can’t get the answers I hoped for from Aylin, breaking away from Lady Shar may be for the best. Especially if all those things I lost are things she took from me on purpose… if I really wasn’t just an orphan, if someone wanted me and she took me anyway…

[kumeyuri]

[a slow nod, in response to what shadowheart says. all of this is kind of outside of his wheelhouse, but—]

... When you were a kid last week, you said you were from a place called Moonhaven. A town outside the temple of Selǔne.

[which, now, he has more context for what that is.]

[sacredpath]

[oh. Well. That’s quite a lore drop for her, though by now she’s seen bits and pieces of enough that it doesn’t come as a complete shock, just an ugly confirmation of what she’s been beginning to suspect.]

… I see. It’s true, then. They abducted me.

[all that time, believing she was an orphan, unwanted by anyone other than Shar. all of it was just a lie. But she’ll explain to him the piece that makes this make sense.]

There was an old - well, I was told it was propaganda, a lie spread by Selǔnites. But supposedly, Sharrans would abduct Selǔnite children and turn them to Shar, a way to weaken Selǔne and demonstrate her superiority.

[kumeyuri]

[...]

Oh.

[oh. that's pretty fucking awful! he's not sure where to start unpacking with that.]

... Then that wolf—that man—was...

[sacredpath]

My family, maybe?

[god. she doesn't know. her father? some other family member? but she just. doesn't know.]

[kumeyuri]

... Maybe.

[it feels cruel to think about, especially without knowing what became of him.]

[sacredpath]

Maybe I won't ever know.

[which is depressing, too, but so would finding out be.

anyway please give me an uruha memory too.]

[kumeyuri]

[i don't have a beautiful lead-in but waow mirror reflections changing! have memory.]

[sacredpath]

[uruha is pretty cool... also what's a train.]

Is there a reason they want to kill you, or just one of those things?

[sometimes people do just try to kill you.]

[kumeyuri]

[sometimes people do........ unfortunately (?) this is not one of those]

... Specific reason. I was contracted to an Enchanted Blade, which fell in the Hishaku's hands. But because of my Eternal Contract, I was the only person in the world who could use its power—and the contract ends only in death.

[sacredpath]

Your eternal contract? That doesn't sound particularly pleasant. At least, I haven't known many eternal contracts to go well.

[kumeyuri]

[he shakes his head.]

It's not as serious as it sounds—it just means that I'm technically the sole owner of the blade for as long as I live, even if it's not in my possession.

The only real price is that I gave up my ability to use sorcery, since I don't have the spirit energy capacity for both that and the blade's powers.

[sacredpath]

I hope it at least gets you something worthwhile?

[kumeyuri]

The power of an Enchanted Blade is equal to an army of sorcerers. They're what singlehandedly ended the war and protected the nation years ago.

... Hence why there are people determined to see us, the Sword Bearers, dead to obtain that power.

[sacredpath]

I don't imagine they want to use it to end wars and protect nations.

[kumeyuri]

We don't know what their end goal is.

[there's a pause, where his mouth presses into a line and grief flickers across his face.]

But they had no qualms about killing the swords' blacksmith to steal the blades, working with criminal organizations, or murdering innocents on their way to us, so I'd rather not find out, either.

[sacredpath]

[hmm.]

Including people you cared about.

[kumeyuri]

[...

honestly he kind of assumed shadowheart had just skimmed over that part since he'd acted calm about it in the memory, but.]

Rokuhira-san and then my guards, yes.

[sacredpath]

I'm sorry.

[he did act calm about it in the memory, just less calm about it now.]

[kumeyuri]

[sometimes you are an open book but also very good about killing your feelings in a crisis and it's just that there is not a crisis happening now.]

... Losing people is a part of conflict. And I'm the one who ran when they told me to.

[doesn't regret it, knows that staying behind wouldn't have helped, but.]

[sacredpath]

It is. And living to fight another day is important, particularly when the stakes are so high.

[but it still hurts, to lose someone who mattered.]

[kumeyuri]

Would've been nice if I had made it a full day.

[unfortunately,]

But you're right.