... As seeing lives as numbers, and not people. [ he brings a hand up to the bridge of his nose, rubbing at it. it's easier to deal with large numbers of people dying when you don't think of them as people. hurts less, instead of thinking about how many companions you're losing every week. ]
Not wanting to get jaded? Though I don't know if it's an entirely awful way to be. I've grown attached to people here, but... I can't say I view every death a tragedy.
Mm. A healer is at his best when he genuinely cares for his patients.
[ ... ]
I am not devastated by every death, no. But there are only so many times that I can watch death be the solution to our problems and still stand up straight. [ he goes back to picking at his tail. ] This isn't your problem, it's mine.
Well, I've never been much of a healer. Sometimes it just is the solution, I think. Even today... I only wanted everyone to slow down if we found someone because I knew the apple was out there. If there weren't a cure, I still believe killing someone quickly is the best option there is.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2025-03-23 01:57 am (UTC)... I suppose I did see him rip people's hearts out in a memory. [ dryly. ] Though it wasn't necessarily by choice.
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Date: 2025-03-23 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-23 02:01 am (UTC)[ no loose ends, theoretically. ]
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:03 am (UTC)If we did miss one, I imagine we'll be informed as soon as tomorrow. And we can worry about it then.
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:06 am (UTC)The lost seem able to say more and more each time. [ ... ] I saw that we found the apple - did anything come of that?
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-23 02:09 am (UTC)I hope that it'll still work for him.
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:11 am (UTC)I hope so, too. Are you feeling alright?
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:13 am (UTC)[ ... ]
I am... having a difficult time not slipping back into my military habits. My apologies.
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-23 02:20 am (UTC)... As seeing lives as numbers, and not people. [ he brings a hand up to the bridge of his nose, rubbing at it. it's easier to deal with large numbers of people dying when you don't think of them as people. hurts less, instead of thinking about how many companions you're losing every week. ]
Ellie lectured me often about this.
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:48 am (UTC)[he's always seemed very affected by the deaths here.]
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:50 am (UTC)I actively work to not fall back into it. It was why I retired in the first place.
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Date: 2025-03-23 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-23 03:11 am (UTC)[ ... ]
I am not devastated by every death, no. But there are only so many times that I can watch death be the solution to our problems and still stand up straight. [ he goes back to picking at his tail. ] This isn't your problem, it's mine.
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Date: 2025-03-23 03:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-23 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-23 03:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-23 03:36 am (UTC)This is not new to me. I will handle it, and continue to help where I'm able.