He drowned someone who had nothing but love to give to everybody for his own personal benefit. I hope he rots, regardless of what his expulsion looks like tomorrow.
[ he thinks about his own message that she left him, and his jaw works. ]
She did not deserve this. She did not deserve to be fodder.
[of course it does. she hasn't wanted to cry and feel sorry for herself for such a long time, but she feels that now, for elysia.]
I just wanted to believe in her. [maybe he understands that, too.] I doubt I could ever see the world the way she saw it, but at least I could believe that she might be right and I might be wrong.
[ he does understand it, honestly. for someone as mired in the dark as he has been, elysia was a very bright and shining beacon, and he imagines it might have been the same for shadowheart.
a pause, and he holds out a hand to her. she doesn't have to take it, but he does anyway. ]
I wanted to believe in her too. [ ... ] She certainly believed in us, no matter what happened.
... She told me she wanted to save me. [ but he couldn't save her, and isn't that always the truth. ]
[nodding. thinking about the way she talked her through everything that happened, made her promise she'd find another path for her future. so infuriating to do that and then simply die.
I don't think Elysia's beliefs were naive at all. She knew how cruel and selfish people could be. She chose to see them through the eyes she wanted to see them through all the same. She insisted on seeing everyone that way.
I'm not going to pretend I think I'm capable of that, or even want to try. I don't want to find something beautiful in that pathetic man who killed her. But taking her life is bad enough, without letting him also win the argument. I won't let him be significant enough to convince me that she was wrong.
[at the very least, she wants to believe in the things elysia told her that she saw in her. if any of it is untrue, then she shouldn't be able to trust those words, either.
[ it makes him achy and tired, to think about her, to think about trying to see the best parts of everybody. and he's with shadowheart, that he doesn't even really want to try. but even so, he wants elysia to stay with him. with everybody.
so... yes. they can both believe she was right. it seems like the best way to honor her memory, anyway. ]
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branchandroot
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Date: 2025-03-09 03:47 am (UTC)[ he thinks about his own message that she left him, and his jaw works. ]
She did not deserve this. She did not deserve to be fodder.
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Date: 2025-03-09 03:54 am (UTC)She really was just worth so much more than that.
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Date: 2025-03-09 03:58 am (UTC)What a miserable thing, to feel this way and not have much of a chance to relieve it.
[ he glances at her, as if to say - you too, right? this hurts for you too. ]
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:05 am (UTC)I just wanted to believe in her. [maybe he understands that, too.] I doubt I could ever see the world the way she saw it, but at least I could believe that she might be right and I might be wrong.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:14 am (UTC)a pause, and he holds out a hand to her. she doesn't have to take it, but he does anyway. ]
I wanted to believe in her too. [ ... ] She certainly believed in us, no matter what happened.
... She told me she wanted to save me. [ but he couldn't save her, and isn't that always the truth. ]
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:23 am (UTC)she will take the hand.]
I'm sure she would have tried.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:27 am (UTC)I'm sure, too. [ a sigh. ] I wish that I had a better answer for what to do next.
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Date: 2025-03-09 04:49 am (UTC)[just in a worse and colder world, as ever.]
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Date: 2025-03-09 05:32 am (UTC)What meaning shall we find in this, Shadowheart? [ he's asking her genuinely, not as some sort of hypothetical. ]
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Date: 2025-03-09 01:55 pm (UTC)I don't think Elysia's beliefs were naive at all. She knew how cruel and selfish people could be. She chose to see them through the eyes she wanted to see them through all the same. She insisted on seeing everyone that way.
I'm not going to pretend I think I'm capable of that, or even want to try. I don't want to find something beautiful in that pathetic man who killed her. But taking her life is bad enough, without letting him also win the argument. I won't let him be significant enough to convince me that she was wrong.
[at the very least, she wants to believe in the things elysia told her that she saw in her. if any of it is untrue, then she shouldn't be able to trust those words, either.
but maybe she can continue to trust them anyway.]
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Date: 2025-03-10 01:25 am (UTC)I think that I can agree with that.
[ it makes him achy and tired, to think about her, to think about trying to see the best parts of everybody. and he's with shadowheart, that he doesn't even really want to try. but even so, he wants elysia to stay with him. with everybody.
so... yes. they can both believe she was right. it seems like the best way to honor her memory, anyway. ]