Or at least, I never thought about it. My training as a healer was to serve Lady Shar, and her warriors. [not ever someone she actually cared for, not something where she was happy to see how much she helped.]
[ imagine he just pulled a nott and took her somewhere to stab her
he doesn't do this. he takes her to the olive garden, and leads her to some of the plots where the flowers are being grown... only to pull a tarp up away from the ground to show her a little crop of night orchids.
tada! he glances at her, maybe a little nervously, like - god, he hopes these are the right ones. ]
anyway, her emotions as he shows her this are just delight, and feeling very touched. going over to touch one of the growing ones, feel its petals. she's so happy, they are so beautiful, but it is also just so nice to be thought of.]
They're so beautiful! I didn't know if it was possible.
[ embarrassingly his tail wags when she's delighted? he's so pleased. ]
I didn't know if it was either - but as I said before, there's no reward without risk. [ hehe. ] Growing them in the dark seemed to help... and the fact that this place is just a touch magical.
[it's just always nice to remember people care about you enough to remember the things you said to them and do something nice for you from it. like even if every piece of you was erased, the things you had mentioned to others would be carried on in their memory.]
Thank you, Jiaoqiu. It makes me very happy to see them again. I always feel like... remembering that I like them is one of the only things I've always known about myself, even when I know little else.
[ there's something about living on in someone's memories. even if they don't see each other again in the future, he will always remember this, and the warmth of it will make him feel less alone. ]
I do hope that more of your memories come back to you, Shadowheart. [ ... ] I should like to know that sometime in the future, you are happy with who you are.
I don't know whether they will, or that I want them to. At least some might be better off forgotten. But being happy with who I am isn't a bad goal.
[she's at least learned to trust a little that the people here who care about her care about a version of her that's real, that wouldn't collapse if they knew too much about her.]
[ yeah. he's been trying to not think about it so much, because it kills him a little every time he does. it's so hard to have found people that have genuinely changed his life, only to know he'll lose them for an indefinite amount of time at the end. you'll see them again when you die for real, god had said. what a thing to say.
he isn't quite sure of the source of the sadness, but he can maybe guess. so he gives her a little reassuring feeling anyway. ]
[yeah. leaning in to give him a hug. she feels similarly, not willing to give up on these friendships that have changed her so much, but knowing there is no way to choose to hold onto them.]
As has yours. I don't know what I would have done without you. Never been brave enough to do much of anything, perhaps.
[she did find a lot of courage from him, and also a lot of warmth. and it hurts to say goodbye to so many of the only people she's ever known who were like family to her, but she still wants to feel grateful for having known them.]
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branchandroot
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Date: 2025-04-01 03:20 am (UTC)What a thing to say. I know, but still.
[she's so happy that it worked, though. very pleased.]
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Date: 2025-04-01 03:24 am (UTC)Well, it's true. I can... I can see it, I can see you.
[ a beat, and he brings that hand up to wipe at his eyes like ??? at the fact that they're wet? oh. okay. ]
Ah.
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Date: 2025-04-01 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-01 03:53 am (UTC)he will hug her back, tightly. ]
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Date: 2025-04-01 11:47 am (UTC)I'm very relieved it worked. I wasn't sure.
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Date: 2025-04-01 07:08 pm (UTC)[ he's glad she did try. he'll let her go after a moment, but he is still kind of weepy. embarrassing... ]
And you tried to tell me you were no accomplished healer.
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Date: 2025-04-02 01:47 am (UTC)[but she’s still extremely happy and pleased.]
Or at least, I never thought about it. My training as a healer was to serve Lady Shar, and her warriors. [not ever someone she actually cared for, not something where she was happy to see how much she helped.]
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Date: 2025-04-02 10:52 pm (UTC)Well. Now you can say that you have helped someone because you wanted to.
... Thank you. [ he can imagine she knows how much this means to him. it makes all of his worst insecurities just a little less nightmarish. ]
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Date: 2025-04-03 12:45 am (UTC)[she does know, but more than anything, it feels wonderful that she did something to help him, after everything.]
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Date: 2025-04-03 02:25 am (UTC)Oh - I've just remembered. Will you come with me for a moment? I have something I wanted to show you.
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Date: 2025-04-03 02:51 am (UTC)[she will follow...]
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Date: 2025-04-03 03:09 am (UTC)he doesn't do this. he takes her to the olive garden, and leads her to some of the plots where the flowers are being grown... only to pull a tarp up away from the ground to show her a little crop of night orchids.
tada! he glances at her, maybe a little nervously, like - god, he hopes these are the right ones. ]
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Date: 2025-04-03 03:24 am (UTC)anyway, her emotions as he shows her this are just delight, and feeling very touched. going over to touch one of the growing ones, feel its petals. she's so happy, they are so beautiful, but it is also just so nice to be thought of.]
They're so beautiful! I didn't know if it was possible.
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Date: 2025-04-03 03:26 am (UTC)I didn't know if it was either - but as I said before, there's no reward without risk. [ hehe. ] Growing them in the dark seemed to help... and the fact that this place is just a touch magical.
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Date: 2025-04-03 12:48 pm (UTC)Thank you, Jiaoqiu. It makes me very happy to see them again. I always feel like... remembering that I like them is one of the only things I've always known about myself, even when I know little else.
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Date: 2025-04-03 09:04 pm (UTC)I do hope that more of your memories come back to you, Shadowheart. [ ... ] I should like to know that sometime in the future, you are happy with who you are.
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Date: 2025-04-04 12:11 pm (UTC)I don't know whether they will, or that I want them to. At least some might be better off forgotten. But being happy with who I am isn't a bad goal.
[she's at least learned to trust a little that the people here who care about her care about a version of her that's real, that wouldn't collapse if they knew too much about her.]
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Date: 2025-04-05 01:53 am (UTC)[ he picks one of the orchids, and he comes over to her - tucks it behind her ear, in her hair. ]
I believe in you.
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Date: 2025-04-05 03:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-05 04:13 am (UTC)he isn't quite sure of the source of the sadness, but he can maybe guess. so he gives her a little reassuring feeling anyway. ]
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Date: 2025-04-05 04:39 am (UTC)I'm very glad I got to meet you.
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Date: 2025-04-05 02:58 pm (UTC)I'm glad that I was able to meet you, too. [ ... ] Your friendship has meant more to me than you know.
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Date: 2025-04-05 03:40 pm (UTC)[she did find a lot of courage from him, and also a lot of warmth. and it hurts to say goodbye to so many of the only people she's ever known who were like family to her, but she still wants to feel grateful for having known them.]