[ he keeps getting little flashbacks, almost, of seeing her face as she approached him. at the time, he wasn't even really aware of who he was for sure, but he could see the emotion there. it sticks. it feels bad, like the blood on his teeth, like the taste of the poison still on his tongue.
this is the second time he's been possessed like this, made to hurt his friends. he doesn't like that he's apparently so easy to manipulate. ]
[ a pause, and then - he can't see her, but she sounds like she might be close enough for him to hold out his hand to her across the way. so he tries. ]
I would have not asked it of you. You've already had to shoulder so much.
I really haven't. I... I don't want a killer to be who I am. But that doesn't mean I resent having to fight. I wanted to live. [it wasn't exactly something she did out of kindness.]
Not... all that much. I managed to use the blood to get Kaworu.
[a slight shudder. she doesn't feel any shame for using what she had to, even if she has the ghost of knowledge of what it meant to her in that world. but it was. messy.]
And I think the demon that was after me caught up with me, too - but then, it's not real.
[ it isn't real. she's right. still - there's a little flicker of a thoughtscape, almost a dreamscape, of a foxian woman leaning over the bed to jiaoqiu, tucking his hair behind his ear, teeth sharp.
[he can have a thought back. richie, asking her to bring him out of the fade, and of course she wouldn't hesitate, but then he mentions saving her parents, and she never told richie about that. richie continuing to argue with her but becoming more and more demonic.
Not a warm enough daughter for that to work, not the way it did for the others. You'd save yourself.
she shakes the thought away.]
It really, genuinely wasn't, unless there are two of me. Were two of me, I killed the other one.
[she really has no qualms about killing some version of herself, it's only the kind of desperate violence she felt driven to about it was extremely unsettling.]
Well, first of all, she was trying to kill me, and second of all, she was some sort of sad metaphor meant to guilt me and make me regret my own actions and want a demon's help.
Yes, of course it did. Of course I hate the things I've done, the things I could have done.
[she wouldn't have killed her so violently if it wasn't so painful. but she thinks she understands the rest of the question.]
...Something very, very similar happened to me when I was with Anders and Fidelio. A person I trusted approached me and asked me to help her, and I didn't question what she asked at all.
[she'll thoughtbubble a red tiefling woman with one broken horn and eyes that flash silver, which doesn't seem quite right.]
Or rather, I did question her, because I was tired and selfish. She was telling me to do the right thing, to try and save people, and I didn't feel like doing it, but eventually I gave in. A very true to life sort of conversation. [which is exactly why it worked so well.] Except instead I found myself wandering the halls of a hotel, slaughtering innocent people.
So when Richie was asking me for a favor, I suppose I was predisposed to hesitate and ask questions.
You had previous experience. [ he says, almost a little thoughtfully. in his last run, there hadn't been much to question, so this had blindsided him. disoriented and in search of something that would help him, it was easy to give over to feixiao.
a deep breath. ]
That makes sense. [ ... ] She asked me if I would follow her, as a favor. It was easy.
Yes. The friend of mine... she's someone whose judgment I would always trust.
[so she hadn't questioned it then, but now she's more guarded. it doesn't necessarily feel good, though. there's a voice telling her that maybe it's just something wrong with her, that maybe she ought to have found it easy to trust a person she cared for.]
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 12:49 am (UTC)this is the second time he's been possessed like this, made to hurt his friends. he doesn't like that he's apparently so easy to manipulate. ]
I have a healing item, if you'd like to use it.
[ a beat, and then, softer: ]
Thank you. I know it was difficult.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 01:02 am (UTC)[she's just holding onto it, deciding if she is really going to use it on herself when so many others were hurt.]
...I won't pretend it wasn't. But if it helped you, I'm glad for it all the same.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 02:04 am (UTC)I would have not asked it of you. You've already had to shoulder so much.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 02:13 am (UTC)I really haven't. I... I don't want a killer to be who I am. But that doesn't mean I resent having to fight. I wanted to live. [it wasn't exactly something she did out of kindness.]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 02:58 am (UTC)[ he squeezes her hand. ]
... What happened after I was gone?
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 03:03 am (UTC)[a slight shudder. she doesn't feel any shame for using what she had to, even if she has the ghost of knowledge of what it meant to her in that world. but it was. messy.]
And I think the demon that was after me caught up with me, too - but then, it's not real.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 03:38 am (UTC)[ it isn't real. she's right. still - there's a little flicker of a thoughtscape, almost a dreamscape, of a foxian woman leaning over the bed to jiaoqiu, tucking his hair behind his ear, teeth sharp.
It could be real, if you'd only listen to me.
he ignores it, the best he can. ]
It wasn't real.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 12:21 pm (UTC)Not a warm enough daughter for that to work, not the way it did for the others. You'd save yourself.
she shakes the thought away.]
It really, genuinely wasn't, unless there are two of me. Were two of me, I killed the other one.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 03:01 pm (UTC)You... killed the other one? [ not judging or anything like that, just curious. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 03:21 pm (UTC)[she really has no qualms about killing some version of herself, it's only the kind of desperate violence she felt driven to about it was extremely unsettling.]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 04:05 pm (UTC)[ again, just curious. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 06:28 pm (UTC)[ vaguely amused by this, despite everything. but, more on the second part. ]
... Did any of what she said ring true? [ because he's like... impressed, honestly. respects her strength. he folded nearly immediately. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 09:46 pm (UTC)Yes, of course it did. Of course I hate the things I've done, the things I could have done.
[she wouldn't have killed her so violently if it wasn't so painful. but she thinks she understands the rest of the question.]
...Something very, very similar happened to me when I was with Anders and Fidelio. A person I trusted approached me and asked me to help her, and I didn't question what she asked at all.
[she'll thoughtbubble a red tiefling woman with one broken horn and eyes that flash silver, which doesn't seem quite right.]
Or rather, I did question her, because I was tired and selfish. She was telling me to do the right thing, to try and save people, and I didn't feel like doing it, but eventually I gave in. A very true to life sort of conversation. [which is exactly why it worked so well.] Except instead I found myself wandering the halls of a hotel, slaughtering innocent people.
So when Richie was asking me for a favor, I suppose I was predisposed to hesitate and ask questions.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 10:40 pm (UTC)but he listens, absorbing that. ]
You had previous experience. [ he says, almost a little thoughtfully. in his last run, there hadn't been much to question, so this had blindsided him. disoriented and in search of something that would help him, it was easy to give over to feixiao.
a deep breath. ]
That makes sense. [ ... ] She asked me if I would follow her, as a favor. It was easy.
[ he'd follow her anywhere. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-28 11:43 pm (UTC)[so she hadn't questioned it then, but now she's more guarded. it doesn't necessarily feel good, though. there's a voice telling her that maybe it's just something wrong with her, that maybe she ought to have found it easy to trust a person she cared for.]
Who is she?
no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 12:03 am (UTC)Feixiao.
[ simply enough. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 12:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 06:11 am (UTC)But we've made it back, now. [ ... ] You will come to the tavern tonight? I find myself unwilling to have you out of earshot.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 12:35 pm (UTC)