[it seems foolish to admit it when it doesn't change anything, but it's true. watching him kiss her hand, not bothering to try to hide that she really genuinely does mean it. she's not really one for duty, and all things considered that is probably for the best considering who she owed it to, but loyalty does matter to her. and it matters to him, too. but it would be nice to ignore all of that and only care about what she'd like for herself.]
...Gabriel seems to think some of us could find a way to see one another again. I don't know much about it, but one of my companions is quite a brilliant arcanist - if there's anyone I'd trust to tackle a problem this complex, it's him. [just ask a wizard to fix it seems like a lot to pin your hopes on, though, particularly when she first has to convince him not to kill himself, and when she has no idea whether it's something within the realm of possibility given the magic and technology that exists in her world.]
So maybe this is only temporary, and we'll feel very silly and dramatic for this when we beat our demons handily and then can meet for drinks in a month's time.
[that's a very nice thing to imagine, at least, even if it's hard to fully believe in.]
Does it make it easier or harder to go into tomorrow and the day after believing that could be true? [she genuinely isn't sure of the answer. a little easier, maybe, but she wouldn't blame him if he'd prefer not to hang any hopes on such an uncertain foundation.]
An arcanist? [It's clear he doesn't understand the full implications, but it's obviously some powerful sorcerer shit. Remains ignorant of class descriptions forever.
He chuckles at the thought.]
Sure. We'll be splitting pints and yucking it up over popping out of bloody balloons and giant boxes of chocolates every Thursday. I can see it crystal clear in my mind.
[It would be nice.
But if she's having doubts with firsthand exposure to the fellow, he's having more with secondhand anecdotes. It sounds lovely. A deus ex machina at the last minute, guaranteed to keep them connected. Maybe it'll be as she said, things will work out and they'll look like fools for crying about it. He just can't put all his eggs in that basket. Can't hope too hard and fall flat when she never shows. When no one does.]
Frankly my dear, I don't rightly know. [He purses his lips.] I guess I've come to a point where I feel we'll give it our all and whatever may happen, will. I hope there's a shot at it. Truly, I do.
I'm gonna miss you something fierce if not. [Always such a sap. It's been a matter of weeks in her company, even less for them deciding to make something of it. Knowing they'd be counting down the days. Flipping to the jubilant side of nihilism, as it were.] ...But even if this is all we get? I can't say I regret it. Not one bit.
[she's trying to thread that needle, too. give everyone hope if she can that this isn't a final goodbye, but not let everyone count on it. even so, her feelings are closer to his. she doesn't want to go home thinking this is a brief parting when part of her knows it's much more likely this is a final goodbye.
cupping his jaw to kiss him at that, some mixture of happiness that he would say so and, well, regret. but not for choosing to become attached to him, to love him. only for being the person she is, holding part of that back all along instead of letting herself just have this because she was afraid of goodbyes.]
Even if this is all there is, I'll never regret that I got to meet you. At the very least, this has been something worth making sure I don't forget.
[because the one who is at risk of going home and losing all of her memories again is her, of course. but don't worry, it won't happen.]
[He meets the kiss with maybe a bit more tenderness than is needed over a restaurant table. But this wasn't public the way a hot spot on the boulevard was, nor was it the regular clientele. They're the only ones here right now, and even if they weren't it's no secret they're all barrelling to a bitter end. Who'd begrudge them a bit of sentimentality over eggs benedict?
He smiles at the quip thereafter. Heartened but sad all the same.]
God, I hope so. I've had exes tell me quite the opposite.
[Since he got his blues out first. He kisses her again though, lightly, a bit selfishly.]
We're a bit stupid, weren't we? It's hard not to get attached, no matter what we did or didn't know.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2025-04-05 03:34 pm (UTC)[it seems foolish to admit it when it doesn't change anything, but it's true. watching him kiss her hand, not bothering to try to hide that she really genuinely does mean it. she's not really one for duty, and all things considered that is probably for the best considering who she owed it to, but loyalty does matter to her. and it matters to him, too. but it would be nice to ignore all of that and only care about what she'd like for herself.]
...Gabriel seems to think some of us could find a way to see one another again. I don't know much about it, but one of my companions is quite a brilliant arcanist - if there's anyone I'd trust to tackle a problem this complex, it's him. [just ask a wizard to fix it seems like a lot to pin your hopes on, though, particularly when she first has to convince him not to kill himself, and when she has no idea whether it's something within the realm of possibility given the magic and technology that exists in her world.]
So maybe this is only temporary, and we'll feel very silly and dramatic for this when we beat our demons handily and then can meet for drinks in a month's time.
[that's a very nice thing to imagine, at least, even if it's hard to fully believe in.]
Does it make it easier or harder to go into tomorrow and the day after believing that could be true? [she genuinely isn't sure of the answer. a little easier, maybe, but she wouldn't blame him if he'd prefer not to hang any hopes on such an uncertain foundation.]
no subject
Date: 2025-04-06 04:52 pm (UTC)He chuckles at the thought.]
Sure. We'll be splitting pints and yucking it up over popping out of bloody balloons and giant boxes of chocolates every Thursday. I can see it crystal clear in my mind.
[It would be nice.
But if she's having doubts with firsthand exposure to the fellow, he's having more with secondhand anecdotes. It sounds lovely. A deus ex machina at the last minute, guaranteed to keep them connected. Maybe it'll be as she said, things will work out and they'll look like fools for crying about it. He just can't put all his eggs in that basket. Can't hope too hard and fall flat when she never shows. When no one does.]
Frankly my dear, I don't rightly know. [He purses his lips.] I guess I've come to a point where I feel we'll give it our all and whatever may happen, will. I hope there's a shot at it. Truly, I do.
I'm gonna miss you something fierce if not. [Always such a sap. It's been a matter of weeks in her company, even less for them deciding to make something of it. Knowing they'd be counting down the days. Flipping to the jubilant side of nihilism, as it were.] ...But even if this is all we get? I can't say I regret it. Not one bit.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-12 12:11 pm (UTC)cupping his jaw to kiss him at that, some mixture of happiness that he would say so and, well, regret. but not for choosing to become attached to him, to love him. only for being the person she is, holding part of that back all along instead of letting herself just have this because she was afraid of goodbyes.]
Even if this is all there is, I'll never regret that I got to meet you. At the very least, this has been something worth making sure I don't forget.
[because the one who is at risk of going home and losing all of her memories again is her, of course. but don't worry, it won't happen.]
no subject
Date: 2025-04-15 03:09 am (UTC)He smiles at the quip thereafter. Heartened but sad all the same.]
God, I hope so. I've had exes tell me quite the opposite.
[Since he got his blues out first. He kisses her again though, lightly, a bit selfishly.]
We're a bit stupid, weren't we? It's hard not to get attached, no matter what we did or didn't know.