pc: yves

[sacredpath]

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[sacredpath]

I will do so gladly.

[she will take his less (>:() bandaged hand so they can walk.]

...How are you feeling?

[noirges]

[ when she takes his hand, she'll be able to feel that he's extremely cold. he's also lightly trembling even as he holds back ]

... I get lost sometimes.

[ to be honest, even though he seems a little disquieted by it ]

I'm trying to remember who I am and who I'm not and... what is and isn't my fault.

[sacredpath]

[oh... well. it probably isn't the type of cold that can be helped by being somewhere warm, but we can find someplace indoors that isn't a hospital.]

Talk to me about it. I know who you are.

[maybe not entirely, but she's had to rely on that often enough - trusting that the people around her know her.]

[noirges]

[ he walks along like he's not injured, but he'll match the pace she sets ]

... I'm dead. I feel like I'm always dead, and I'm always only sticking around to be with the people I love.

[ that feels consistent, and yet it bothers him that he lived another life and it... was still true ]

[sacredpath]

We're all dead here.

[but she knows that's not what he means by it.]

It was the same in what you saw in there?

[noirges]

Exactly. [ and his brow furrows, confused ] Maybe I'm just... meant to be dead and not alive?

[ that's not true. when he thinks it through logically. but right now the flickers of everything he knows are clashing against each other ]

But I... hurt them. I hurt all of them. I have to wrestle with that too.

[sacredpath]

I don't think you're meant to be dead and not alive. I think you've been holding yourself apart from some of what it is to be alive. It's not some fate you're consigned to.

[and it's to protect himself, mostly, because pain and grief is also a part of being alive, and from what she's seen, perhaps his is too intense for him to bear. but it's him, not some objective truth.]

The others? Marcoh, Jiaoqiu, Siffrin?

[noirges]

[ not fate, is it...? that'd be nice.

at her question, he nods. ]

Yeah... At some point, I was... possessed by something. The Unmaker? And I thought... I had to destroy everything, which included trying to kill my friends.

[sacredpath]

[hmm...]

I'm sure that was hard on you. You know it wasn't your fault, don't you?

[noirges]

Logically, I do. Because otherwise then it'd mean... when they attacked me, it'd be their fault. And that's not true.

[ he's trying his best to be reasonable ]

It doesn't change that... I hated it. Being made into a puppet.

[sacredpath]

I don't blame you. I would hate that, too.

[but it does matter, to know that it isn't yourself you ought to be angry at, even if that's hard.]

[noirges]

It made me think for a second... even though I couldn't remember it—that everyone who said that I was possessed was right. [ rubbing at his face, even though there's gauze on his cheek like he forgot already ]

Like I was always meant to be manipulated by Death to hurt the people I love.

[sacredpath]

Your cheek. Be careful.

[did he mess up the gauze already. but this is important, too.]

Those people were not right. And you haven't hurt anyone beyond what can be healed.