I think... there's gray areas. Even though I made the decision I did, it's not like I don't have regrets for what I didn't accomplish in my life. For those I left behind.
But I think you're right that at some point, the scale has to tip on one side or the other. I didn't want to die, but I was willing to.
I secured a chance for the rest of the country to do better, so now it's up to them. Though I guess that is a privilege in being dead - not dealing with the aftermath.
I suppose that's true. If you could return, would you?
[it's still saturday but also resurrection is so common where she's from, you can just pay a skeleton man $100 and come back to life as many times as you want.]
Lady Shar, the Nightsinger. She is the patron of the darkness and of secrecy and loss. While most fear the dark, like children, those who follow Shar embrace it. We don't hide in it, we act, unburdened by the illusion of safety and false comforts. We destroy the corrupt and lend solace to the sick and grieving.
[the general vibe of her saying this all though is like someone knocking on your door and trying to give you literature, it doesn't feel off the cuff at all.]
Ah... That sounds nice - to have someone on the side of those who are struggling. Then... I hope that if you've been able to spend so much of your life in service of her, she can recognize it. Then maybe she can provide some of that solace to you, too.
The Sharrans took me in. I was an orphan, I didn't have anywhere else to go. So I have always only wanted to become a champion of Lady Shar. And yet, it is more difficult than it ought to be, sometimes.
... you don't have to tell me the specifics if you don't want to. But if it matters so much to you, I do want to know.
That said, no matter what it is... that's a hard thing to experience no matter what. I'm sorry your faith can feel like it's testing your devotion, even when you want to give so much.
but yves frowns at that. it stings just to hear about secondhand ]
... I can tell you love her. Or at the very least, you want to show your love for the people who took you in, and in turn their goddess. Your goddess.
[ she didn't pull away earlier - so he'll just lightly set a hand on her shoulder again ]
I still think it's... okay, to not want to give someone everything. Or if you do, and they might think it's not enough... that doesn't mean they're right.
Your efforts are meaningful. I don't want you to think you're not enough for anyone.
[love is maybe not exactly the right word for either, but it's not not the right word. he does hit the nail on the head, though. she doesn't want to give everything. she wanted one thing for herself, and that was too far.]
... Thank you, Yves. I don't think anyone has said something like that to me for a long time.
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I'm not sure it was polite. But there really are only two options, aren't there? Either the courage to risk everything, or not risking much at all?
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[ though he looks thoughtful about it ]
I think... there's gray areas. Even though I made the decision I did, it's not like I don't have regrets for what I didn't accomplish in my life. For those I left behind.
But I think you're right that at some point, the scale has to tip on one side or the other. I didn't want to die, but I was willing to.
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[or at least it makes more sense why he doesn't want to be viewed as courageous for it.]
I hope you were at least able to accomplish what you set out to do?
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[ satisfied ]
I secured a chance for the rest of the country to do better, so now it's up to them. Though I guess that is a privilege in being dead - not dealing with the aftermath.
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[it's still saturday but also resurrection is so common where she's from, you can just pay a skeleton man $100 and come back to life as many times as you want.]
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but he pauses ]
... it depends, I guess. On my other options, if the chance for resurrection among people here is limited... that sort of thing.
But the fact that I'm not immediately saying yes is probably my selfishness at play.
[ he looks over to her ]
Would you go back?
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I don't think you're selfish, though. Sometimes journeys do end.
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[ though he tilts his head ]
Are you... in a spot that's hard to get out of, even if you were to go back?
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But if I could trust that I'll have my goddesses' mercy and protection, I think I could take that chance.
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[ thoughtful, because the most religious person he knows is lucas. he thinks lucas is great. ]
... was there a reason for doubt?
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[ does she too say day drinking is fine? ]
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Lady Shar, the Nightsinger. She is the patron of the darkness and of secrecy and loss. While most fear the dark, like children, those who follow Shar embrace it. We don't hide in it, we act, unburdened by the illusion of safety and false comforts. We destroy the corrupt and lend solace to the sick and grieving.
[the general vibe of her saying this all though is like someone knocking on your door and trying to give you literature, it doesn't feel off the cuff at all.]
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[she nurses her drink a little.]
The Sharrans took me in. I was an orphan, I didn't have anywhere else to go. So I have always only wanted to become a champion of Lady Shar. And yet, it is more difficult than it ought to be, sometimes.
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I'm glad you had them. Some people took me in too, and I'm really grateful to them.
What makes it difficult, though...? Do you have to do more...?
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... you don't have to tell me the specifics if you don't want to. But if it matters so much to you, I do want to know.
That said, no matter what it is... that's a hard thing to experience no matter what. I'm sorry your faith can feel like it's testing your devotion, even when you want to give so much.
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[but so kind. too kind, like he gives a little bit of himself to everyone.]
Being tested is, I think, something every person of faith goes through, isn't it?
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[ a simple response ]
But... maybe. I'm afraid I wasn't very faithful in life. Still, even if it's common... that doesn't make it less impactful for you, right?
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Yes. In my case, it was very impactful. Shar demands much, and being unable to meet her expectations can be an especially painful trial.
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but yves frowns at that. it stings just to hear about secondhand ]
... I can tell you love her. Or at the very least, you want to show your love for the people who took you in, and in turn their goddess. Your goddess.
[ she didn't pull away earlier - so he'll just lightly set a hand on her shoulder again ]
I still think it's... okay, to not want to give someone everything. Or if you do, and they might think it's not enough... that doesn't mean they're right.
Your efforts are meaningful. I don't want you to think you're not enough for anyone.
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... Thank you, Yves. I don't think anyone has said something like that to me for a long time.
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Then I'm happy to hear it means something to have it said now.
I'll remind you whenever you want.
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Be careful what you promise. I may take advantage. [she can't stay sappy for too long.]
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