pc: yves

[sacredpath]

Comments

[noirges]

[ . . . well, ]

It depends on how much you think people need to be changed. I don't like what he did, but I also don't know his reason. And... it's okay, to decide that it's not worth it no matter what it is. I just think... people try very hard to rationalize their choices.

[ and can be resistant to change ]

Even still... I'm pretty sure Ellie still wouldn't have changed her outlook.

Sometimes, even if your ending is tragic... it can feel worth it, if you were able to reach even a few people that you love. Even just one.

[ a beat ]

But I might be assuming too much.

[sacredpath]

I doubt you are. I'm sure you, of anyone, could understand her.

[they were very similar, in so many ways. at least in how they chose to treat others.]

It might not have changed her outlook, but I'm afraid that it does change mine. [even if she's not sure she wants it to.]

[noirges]

[ looks over at her, curious ]

... does that frustrate you?

[sacredpath]

Yes.

[it would be nice if it was as easy as just believing.]

I was raised to see the world so differently than that. But I want there to be something better.

[noirges]

[ hmmm. he'll pause in their walking then, taking both of shadowheart's hands in his as he looks at her ]

... I know that it can be hard to see through it in your grief. Your reasonable frustration and anger. I think you should feel all those things, because you still can, and that's another way of showing how much you loved Ellie.

[ things that yves wishes that he could still feel. ]

But I do believe there's still something better. One person shouldn't have the ability to steal your hope like that. He doesn't deserve the chance.

[sacredpath]

[well. she does agree he doesn't deserve that.]

I don't know if it's quite one person stealing it.

[she simply didn't have much to begin with.]

But I would feel rather pitiful, if I were to give up entirely.

[noirges]

Then he doesn't get to be what tips you over the edge. Ellie wouldn't want that either. Her heart would break if she knew that she was part of what made you lose faith, even if she'd be so touched by how much you cared about her.

[ a gentle squeeze of her hands ]

I promise the world is better than whatever we're forced to endure on Saturdays.

[noirges]

It made me think for a second... even though I couldn't remember it—that everyone who said that I was possessed was right. [ rubbing at his face, even though there's gauze on his cheek like he forgot already ]

Like I was always meant to be manipulated by Death to hurt the people I love.

[sacredpath]

[she's a bit embarrassed at this, but that's sort of the problem. it's hard to not feel embarrassed, to take these feelings seriously. how elysia and yves always sound so sincere saying these things is beyond her.]

Well, fine. I hardly want to break anyone's heart.

[sacredpath]

Your cheek. Be careful.

[did he mess up the gauze already. but this is important, too.]

Those people were not right. And you haven't hurt anyone beyond what can be healed.

[sacredpath]

Don't be sorry for that. [almost slightly annoyed.] Be sorry for anything other than that. I'm not sorry I saw it, only that you experienced it.

[noirges]

[ well yves's brain is broken from trauma and elysia is a bajillion years old so maybe the sincerity finds you that way—but regardless, he does really mean every word.

his expression softens with the agreement, even if he understands that trying to move forward from here is a tightrope walk. it is so hard to hope. ]

... thanks. [ softly ] Please keep trying. I will, too.

[sacredpath]

Thank you, Yves.

[she knows he means it sincerely. squeezing his hand back.]

I know that you will. [...] You're very like her, you know. I find it easy to believe in you, too.

[noirges]

[ . . . there's a little laugh at that, sheepish and tired ]

I've been hearing that a lot...

It would be tough for any kid to go through. I know it's a painful story.

[noirges]

[ that makes him laugh then, a little bit of a lighter noise ]

If I could be anything like Ellie, then that's the greatest compliment I've ever received.

[ and he does seem to mean that too ]

The only thing I can say for certain is that she and I both definitely love you, and want to see to your happiness. If there's anything I want you to believe in, it's that.

[sacredpath]

Maybe it's always easier, to think that way about such things - it would be a trial for any other person. I would feel for them, had it happened to them.

[but it happened to him.]

[noirges]

[ . . . . he nods ]

Yeah. It is. Because I think... people want me to be angry on my own behalf. I don't really... know how to do that though. Not anymore. Not since I decided I want to try loving everyone.

[ why did he rewrite his own brain chemistry this way ]

It's easier to be frustrated for others. Easier to be... reasonable, I guess, which is what people want me to be.

[sacredpath]

It is true.

[both of them showed her such kindness and somehow forced her to believe in it instead of rejecting it.

it's still not easy. there's a lot to her that even she doesn't know. and she knows it would mean something to him, if she could express herself back as easily, but she isn't used to this, she's a sharp instrument, and he feels so fragile that she's afraid to try.]

I wish for your happiness, too. I only wish I knew how to help you with your hurts as easily as you help me. I know you may not feel them, but that doesn't mean they aren't there.

[is he just running around reopening the emotional wounds, too, without noticing?]

[sacredpath]

[why did he!!]

I suppose it must make you feel like a frustrating problem that we want to fix, which is not pleasant. [it admittedly doesn't sound nice, to have to deal with people's frustrations at how he reacts emotionally to his own life with his fucked up brain.]

When, really, it's not about your reaction. It's about what you think you deserve.

week 4; monday

[sacredpath]

[after the mini cyoa, she can be found at the bar. she will hold up her drink for a toast.]

To surviving another week.

[her mood is sad, still, but she's doing better, honestly. it was a rough weekend, and seeing the other side of it hasn't dispelled her worries, but she's trying to make the best of it.

anyway she thinks this is the drink honoring elysia but it's not, it's hanaki. so taking a sip and immediately coughing.]

Sorry? What is that?

[noirges]

[ shadowheart that really happened to you. yves truly exists in a state of vibes 98% of the time but his head emptiness happiness has toned down in response to her own sadness. still, there's nothing but affection from where he's hanging out with her ]

Did Gabriel finally mix something bad?

[ reaching out to place a hand between her shoulderblades and trying to pat her back?? ]

[noirges]

[ oh.

to say that he's surprised is an understatement, and his eyes widen. ]

... is that what you think...?

[ and he'll give her hands a squeeze, gentle, mindful that his own are still bandaged and he doesn't want to bleed grossly on her ]

Shadowheart... I've remembered everything you've said to me. Every kind word and every push. I think I'm finally getting an idea of what everyone was saying to me, that I shouldn't be so quick to be apathetic to being gone...

But if I'm making any progress, you have to know that you played a large part in it. I know... I can be hard to comfort. [ as someone who processes his own emotional pain quietly or apart from others ] Even still, you've always been there for me.

I'm really grateful for... well, you.

[noirges]

[ what he deserves... he's quiet, trying to think about that. what does he deserve? he knows what he'd like, but can he believe that's what he deserves? ]

... I guess I don't want to be treated cruelly, the same as anyone else.

Even if I can't bring myself to care much when it happens.

[sacredpath]

What do you mean, finally?

[so many of these drinks are bad. though the memorial ones are always safe. that was her mistake. anyway, she's coughing a wad of flowers into her hand - a mix of green and pale orangey ones - and then looking at that with disgust? the emotion is what the fuck.]

What did he put in this. [elysia did not deserve this tribute.]

[noirges]

[ nOT THIS EMOTION yves is also just feeling startled! worried! he pulls his handkerchief out of his pocket and offers it out to her yikes ]

I—don't know?! Whoa! Want a water?