[hmm. a little twinge of sadness at a memory of being a terrified, inexperienced girl facing all of that.]
It was. But I think what happened to you was more painful, probably? Or at least... [actually, she is aware Charlie doesn't know this.] On the first Thursday journey I went on, Anders and I both were... possessed, maybe, or just manipulated by this monstrous being. I wound up hurting a lot of people in that state.
[so she would have much rather that not have happened to her again.]
[ yeah, that was a lot. charlie feels a lot of guilt, shame, and regretti. there's also pain, because the demon took advantage of her relationship with her absentee mother to manipulate her ]
Oh, I... didn't know that. [ unsurprisingly ] Yeah, I..... that's. Um. Kind of what happened, even when I got back. Luckily, I wasn't in fighting shape after.... well. You know. But I still managed to hurt some people.
You would not have seen, but it was the same for Jiaoqiu and Kaworu. [for her, the people she killed weren't real, but the way she felt while doing it haunted her for a long time.] I don't know if I would have gotten through it if Anders hadn't also been there, and had gone through the same thing. [so it was much harder to specifically blame or hate herself for it when she couldn't hate him for it.]
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It was. But I think what happened to you was more painful, probably? Or at least... [actually, she is aware Charlie doesn't know this.] On the first Thursday journey I went on, Anders and I both were... possessed, maybe, or just manipulated by this monstrous being. I wound up hurting a lot of people in that state.
[so she would have much rather that not have happened to her again.]
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Oh, I... didn't know that. [ unsurprisingly ] Yeah, I..... that's. Um. Kind of what happened, even when I got back. Luckily, I wasn't in fighting shape after.... well. You know. But I still managed to hurt some people.
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You would not have seen, but it was the same for Jiaoqiu and Kaworu. [for her, the people she killed weren't real, but the way she felt while doing it haunted her for a long time.] I don't know if I would have gotten through it if Anders hadn't also been there, and had gone through the same thing. [so it was much harder to specifically blame or hate herself for it when she couldn't hate him for it.]