That isn't entirely a bad thing. [not. being sad. the beliefs part.] You were taught a way to exist by people who only wanted to use you, who wanted to teach you only the things that would help them achieve their aims.

Trying to learn something new is painful, but it will be worth it. [she is still so new to all of this, still trying to convince herself of this fact, and she's lying. she doesn't know if it's worth it yet. she just hopes it will be.]