For most of my life, I didn't question it. The more the people around me suffered, the more I felt the weight of that responsibility, and could think of little else. And as I reflected on my own inaction during those times of struggle, I began to think of sacrifice as not just a path of salvation for them, but of atonement for myself.
But... I too had a crisis of faith quite recently.
[it does sound to her that the driving force here wasn't necessarily belief but a desire to protect her people. but it's still unclear what eupha would have had to atone for.]
From early childhood, I knew I would one day give my life in sacrifice. And when that day came, I went to the Dragon Temple... My brother was supposed to accompany me, but we were attacked by monsters, and he was wounded.
I was escorted instead by a group of outsiders. As we made our way to the altar, they had so many questions, and there were some I could not answer...
Well... not entirely. I did start to wonder why the ritual was the way that it was, and about the nature of the Dragon God and the calamities we faced... but my conviction did not waver.
Not until I reached the altar, and saw that what awaited me there was not my god.
It attached itself to the Dragon God, and seemed to control it, as a parasite would. And all this time, it was the human that devoured the sacrifices sent to it.
When I realized, I despaired. I was being denied my very purpose in life.
But... in that moment, I heard a voice in my head, imploring me to choose a path. And I realized that there was yet more that I could put my faith into, to turn it into my strength once again.
If you also find yourself questioning the path that you are on, I think it is a good thing to explore it. A blind faith is not a stronger faith, but quite the opposite.
...I know I've been deceived, too. I only don't know exactly what has been hidden from me. But that's the problem I keep returning to. There's so much I don't know, and I'm expected to accept that as a matter of faith.
By everyone. [both.] They've never hidden how much they've concealed from me, how much of my own history they've taken from me, but... it was always explained to me as something that would help me become closer to Lady Shar, a sacrifice I was willing to make.
It's harder to trust anything, but that's sometimes the point - to take things on faith. But it's also quite possible the point is to make sure I don't know anything that might convince me not to have it.
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For most of my life, I didn't question it. The more the people around me suffered, the more I felt the weight of that responsibility, and could think of little else. And as I reflected on my own inaction during those times of struggle, I began to think of sacrifice as not just a path of salvation for them, but of atonement for myself.
But... I too had a crisis of faith quite recently.
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Do you want to tell me about it?
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[ a small smile. ]
From early childhood, I knew I would one day give my life in sacrifice. And when that day came, I went to the Dragon Temple... My brother was supposed to accompany me, but we were attacked by monsters, and he was wounded.
I was escorted instead by a group of outsiders. As we made our way to the altar, they had so many questions, and there were some I could not answer...
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Not until I reached the altar, and saw that what awaited me there was not my god.
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It attached itself to the Dragon God, and seemed to control it, as a parasite would. And all this time, it was the human that devoured the sacrifices sent to it.
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It deceived you. Took advantage of your beliefs.
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It did.
When I realized, I despaired. I was being denied my very purpose in life.
But... in that moment, I heard a voice in my head, imploring me to choose a path. And I realized that there was yet more that I could put my faith into, to turn it into my strength once again.
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...I'm glad that you found another way. Something else to believe in.
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If you also find yourself questioning the path that you are on, I think it is a good thing to explore it. A blind faith is not a stronger faith, but quite the opposite.
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[ other sharrans? or shar herself...? ]
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I'm just not so sure that's true.
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That must be difficult, if you cannot even know the reason why.
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It's harder to trust anything, but that's sometimes the point - to take things on faith. But it's also quite possible the point is to make sure I don't know anything that might convince me not to have it.