Maybe it's always easier, to think that way about such things - it would be a trial for any other person. I would feel for them, had it happened to them.
Yeah. It is. Because I think... people want me to be angry on my own behalf. I don't really... know how to do that though. Not anymore. Not since I decided I want to try loving everyone.
[ why did he rewrite his own brain chemistry this way ]
It's easier to be frustrated for others. Easier to be... reasonable, I guess, which is what people want me to be.
I suppose it must make you feel like a frustrating problem that we want to fix, which is not pleasant. [it admittedly doesn't sound nice, to have to deal with people's frustrations at how he reacts emotionally to his own life with his fucked up brain.]
When, really, it's not about your reaction. It's about what you think you deserve.
[ what he deserves... he's quiet, trying to think about that. what does he deserve? he knows what he'd like, but can he believe that's what he deserves? ]
... I guess I don't want to be treated cruelly, the same as anyone else.
Even if I can't bring myself to care much when it happens.
Maybe it's not so unusual. When someone is awful to me, I do get angry with them, but I don't feel surprised by it.
Even though my assumptions that people will be untrustworthy and cruel have often been incorrect... by assuming that's the norm, maybe that resignation is the same as not caring even if I do defend myself.
[maybe people like that should be at least treated with indignity for doing something worse than others do.]
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I've been hearing that a lot...
It would be tough for any kid to go through. I know it's a painful story.
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[but it happened to him.]
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Yeah. It is. Because I think... people want me to be angry on my own behalf. I don't really... know how to do that though. Not anymore. Not since I decided I want to try loving everyone.
[ why did he rewrite his own brain chemistry this way ]
It's easier to be frustrated for others. Easier to be... reasonable, I guess, which is what people want me to be.
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I suppose it must make you feel like a frustrating problem that we want to fix, which is not pleasant. [it admittedly doesn't sound nice, to have to deal with people's frustrations at how he reacts emotionally to his own life with his fucked up brain.]
When, really, it's not about your reaction. It's about what you think you deserve.
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... I guess I don't want to be treated cruelly, the same as anyone else.
Even if I can't bring myself to care much when it happens.
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Even though my assumptions that people will be untrustworthy and cruel have often been incorrect... by assuming that's the norm, maybe that resignation is the same as not caring even if I do defend myself.
[maybe people like that should be at least treated with indignity for doing something worse than others do.]