Uruha mentioned you liked the little charm I made him...
[ so he'll bring out one that he made her too! a little charm for her phone. it looks like the purple stained glass flower he gave her when they were all decorating their rooms, but it's hand sculpted out of clay and glazed over so it's not as fragile as actual glass. ]
[ah... this ending. it does make her understand a lot more why he's tired, why he's unsure about going back. what even still is back there?
it's so much worse because she saw his cute pufferfish's memory of all of these people. what the hell.
she'll do what he did for her, take his hand to steer him away if he needs it.]
I doubt there's more you want to see there, is there?
[though it might be nice, at the least, if he could admit to himself he wasn't merely content to admire while other people destroy themselves for love.]
[ yves's gaze lingers on the mirrors—not on himself, dying of blood loss in the corner, but in the corner where he knows scien is having his last moments. his friend. the person who went mad from the same love that yves craves so badly.
when shadowheart takes his hand, he turns to her and offers a gentle smile even if it's also heartbroken ]
Maybe it's always easier, to think that way about such things - it would be a trial for any other person. I would feel for them, had it happened to them.
Yeah. It is. Because I think... people want me to be angry on my own behalf. I don't really... know how to do that though. Not anymore. Not since I decided I want to try loving everyone.
[ why did he rewrite his own brain chemistry this way ]
It's easier to be frustrated for others. Easier to be... reasonable, I guess, which is what people want me to be.
I suppose it must make you feel like a frustrating problem that we want to fix, which is not pleasant. [it admittedly doesn't sound nice, to have to deal with people's frustrations at how he reacts emotionally to his own life with his fucked up brain.]
When, really, it's not about your reaction. It's about what you think you deserve.
[ what he deserves... he's quiet, trying to think about that. what does he deserve? he knows what he'd like, but can he believe that's what he deserves? ]
... I guess I don't want to be treated cruelly, the same as anyone else.
Even if I can't bring myself to care much when it happens.
Maybe it's not so unusual. When someone is awful to me, I do get angry with them, but I don't feel surprised by it.
Even though my assumptions that people will be untrustworthy and cruel have often been incorrect... by assuming that's the norm, maybe that resignation is the same as not caring even if I do defend myself.
[maybe people like that should be at least treated with indignity for doing something worse than others do.]
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week 3, wednesday
Ah, Shadowheart! Wait up, I have something for you.
[ jogging up to meet her somewhere... there is a door nearby that will lead to the mirrors in a second ]
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What is it?
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[ so he'll bring out one that he made her too! a little charm for her phone. it looks like the purple stained glass flower he gave her when they were all decorating their rooms, but it's hand sculpted out of clay and glazed over so it's not as fragile as actual glass. ]
So I made you one.
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Aren't both of you sweet. You really did make this? [yves... too otome...] I will treasure it.
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If you like it, then the effort was more than worth it!
[ ok now they enter the mirrors for real and a return memory plays
I also wanted to fall in love like you did. ]
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it's so much worse because she saw his cute pufferfish's memory of all of these people. what the hell.
she'll do what he did for her, take his hand to steer him away if he needs it.]
I doubt there's more you want to see there, is there?
[though it might be nice, at the least, if he could admit to himself he wasn't merely content to admire while other people destroy themselves for love.]
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when shadowheart takes his hand, he turns to her and offers a gentle smile even if it's also heartbroken ]
... it'll end soon enough.
I don't get to see what happens after.
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[but it doesn't sound as though any of the things yves would want to live for would still be there to have a happy ending.]
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I'm still sorry you had to see it.
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I've been hearing that a lot...
It would be tough for any kid to go through. I know it's a painful story.
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[but it happened to him.]
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Yeah. It is. Because I think... people want me to be angry on my own behalf. I don't really... know how to do that though. Not anymore. Not since I decided I want to try loving everyone.
[ why did he rewrite his own brain chemistry this way ]
It's easier to be frustrated for others. Easier to be... reasonable, I guess, which is what people want me to be.
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I suppose it must make you feel like a frustrating problem that we want to fix, which is not pleasant. [it admittedly doesn't sound nice, to have to deal with people's frustrations at how he reacts emotionally to his own life with his fucked up brain.]
When, really, it's not about your reaction. It's about what you think you deserve.
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... I guess I don't want to be treated cruelly, the same as anyone else.
Even if I can't bring myself to care much when it happens.
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Even though my assumptions that people will be untrustworthy and cruel have often been incorrect... by assuming that's the norm, maybe that resignation is the same as not caring even if I do defend myself.
[maybe people like that should be at least treated with indignity for doing something worse than others do.]