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[well don't worry maybe she can just change her mind.]
No. We're meant to reject those sort of attachments, even between one another.
No. We're meant to reject those sort of attachments, even between one another.
I'm...
[she has to think about it for a moment.]
I haven't always found it easy to follow Shar's commands. Avoiding romantic love isn't the issue, exactly, but I do get attached to people.
[she has to think about it for a moment.]
I haven't always found it easy to follow Shar's commands. Avoiding romantic love isn't the issue, exactly, but I do get attached to people.
Maybe. [a small smile.] I... like people. I like being around them. Well, some of them.
But if I want a future serving Lady Shar, I will have to find a way to change that about myself. [that is an if, though.]
But if I want a future serving Lady Shar, I will have to find a way to change that about myself. [that is an if, though.]
[ . . . a little frown. he's a little curious, and just a little disbelieving ]
... do you think that's possible? To change that you like people. To change that those people like you, and want you to be happy without sacrifice?
[ maybe shadowheart is stronger than him - well, she definitely is. but... ]
... do you think that's possible? To change that you like people. To change that those people like you, and want you to be happy without sacrifice?
[ maybe shadowheart is stronger than him - well, she definitely is. but... ]
[is she though? the question just makes her look sad.]
I'm not sure it is. Or if it is, that I'm able to. [...] The reason I'm here is because I defied Shar. I became weak to the influence of other people, and I - I wanted to know about my past more than I wanted to follow her command. And I thought she would discard me for what I did, but then there were so many signs that perhaps she hadn't given up on me.
If she sees something in me worth saving after that, it's hard not to think maybe I should try harder.
I'm not sure it is. Or if it is, that I'm able to. [...] The reason I'm here is because I defied Shar. I became weak to the influence of other people, and I - I wanted to know about my past more than I wanted to follow her command. And I thought she would discard me for what I did, but then there were so many signs that perhaps she hadn't given up on me.
If she sees something in me worth saving after that, it's hard not to think maybe I should try harder.
[ his brow furrows slightly ]
She's not the only one who can see something in you worth saving. I know you've been dedicated to her your whole life, but... could you not find salvation somewhere else? In someone else? Without having to give up on connections or your answers.
[ his questions are sincere, if concerned. ]
I do think I'm biased. [ he's willing to acknowledge it ] But... I think the choice is ultimately yours, Shadowheart.
She's not the only one who can see something in you worth saving. I know you've been dedicated to her your whole life, but... could you not find salvation somewhere else? In someone else? Without having to give up on connections or your answers.
[ his questions are sincere, if concerned. ]
I do think I'm biased. [ he's willing to acknowledge it ] But... I think the choice is ultimately yours, Shadowheart.
It's a lot, to think about leaving it behind.
[but it is something she's been thinking about.]
[but it is something she's been thinking about.]
[ yay welcome to the cave
today the clouds have swirled into the shape of a field of pitch black lycoris flowers, and yves is no longer in a pathetic little ball somewhere. instead he's walking among them in small paths, hard to see from afar but clearer when you're up close, and he truly looks a mess. his eyes are red and he's wearing an expression that can truly only be called heartbroken.
he's so lost in thought that he doesn't hear anyone approach. ]
today the clouds have swirled into the shape of a field of pitch black lycoris flowers, and yves is no longer in a pathetic little ball somewhere. instead he's walking among them in small paths, hard to see from afar but clearer when you're up close, and he truly looks a mess. his eyes are red and he's wearing an expression that can truly only be called heartbroken.
he's so lost in thought that he doesn't hear anyone approach. ]
[ah here he is. she thought about sad boy locations and finally stumbled on this one. she has purple and black smoke patterns blossoming on her skin as she frets a little.]
...Yves, you're in here? I just wanted to know.
...Yves, you're in here? I just wanted to know.
[ sad boy hours on this dieday.....
it seems to take a second, but he does look up at the sound of his name. when his gaze focuses and he sees shadowheart, he nods once. takes a second to find his words. ]
... I'm here. [ a little weak, a little dazed ] I think I'm still...
I don't know.
it seems to take a second, but he does look up at the sound of his name. when his gaze focuses and he sees shadowheart, he nods once. takes a second to find his words. ]
... I'm here. [ a little weak, a little dazed ] I think I'm still...
I don't know.
It's alright.
[sad boy hours... she looks him over, frowning, before approaching closer.]
I know. I don't expect anything, I just wanted to know you were safe.
[sad boy hours... she looks him over, frowning, before approaching closer.]
I know. I don't expect anything, I just wanted to know you were safe.
[ he looks a bit haggard, his clothes rumpled, but other than that it's just the depression ]
... I am. I won't do anything... reckless. [ a beat ] Adolphe just scolded me for that the other day.
[ so he has to keep it together at least the first 24 hours ]
... I am. I won't do anything... reckless. [ a beat ] Adolphe just scolded me for that the other day.
[ so he has to keep it together at least the first 24 hours ]
[this is the downside of loving this deeply and this openly, she thinks. this is why shar teaches to embrace loss. all of this feeling only leads to the same place in the end.
it hurts to see him this way.]
And that will be enough to hold you back?
it hurts to see him this way.]
And that will be enough to hold you back?
I'm worried about you. Hurt whoever you want.
[she doesn't mean that. well, mostly.]
[she doesn't mean that. well, mostly.]
[ there is a soft smile at that because that's comforting in a way that only shadowheart can pull off ]
... I'll be okay. [ he will reach to close the distance between them for her hand ] ... it's not a new wound, just a reopened one.
I already lost him once before. I just wish I didn't have to again.
... I'll be okay. [ he will reach to close the distance between them for her hand ] ... it's not a new wound, just a reopened one.
I already lost him once before. I just wish I didn't have to again.
[yeah! comforting! but she'll take the hand.]
What happened to him before? If you don't mind my asking.
What happened to him before? If you don't mind my asking.
... there was an attack on the orphanage he grew up at by the Royal Guard. He died defending it, and protecting who he could. It was four years ago, for me.
[ there's a big sigh at that ]
I didn't think much about Heaven because I didn't think I'd end up there. But I thought if it existed... it'd just be a place where I could see my friends again.
So... I guess this place was Heaven-like for two weeks.
[ lucas is still here, and yves has already made so many more friends he's so grateful for but... it's hard to fill a void that a best friend leaves behind ]
[ there's a big sigh at that ]
I didn't think much about Heaven because I didn't think I'd end up there. But I thought if it existed... it'd just be a place where I could see my friends again.
So... I guess this place was Heaven-like for two weeks.
[ lucas is still here, and yves has already made so many more friends he's so grateful for but... it's hard to fill a void that a best friend leaves behind ]
The same one you grew up in?
[this is just so sad.]
They're still out there, supposedly.
[this is just so sad.]
They're still out there, supposedly.
[ shakes his head ]
A different one... I only met Adolphe later in my life, though I would've wished for more time even alive too.
[ there's so many orphanages in this island because people die so fucking often ]
... they are. Though I think my response to that will make people sad too... so I'm trying to be careful.
A different one... I only met Adolphe later in my life, though I would've wished for more time even alive too.
[ there's so many orphanages in this island because people die so fucking often ]
... they are. Though I think my response to that will make people sad too... so I'm trying to be careful.
[oh i guess that makes a lot of sense. you think they'd come up with a better system.]
I think I can guess what it might be.
[if he wants to be with him (platonic) (no homo) then it's not like that isn't possible.]
I think I can guess what it might be.
[if he wants to be with him (platonic) (no homo) then it's not like that isn't possible.]
[ yeah so heterosexual
but yves will squeeze her hand once ]
... I won't do anything reckless. If his soul's lost, we don't know I'd go to the same place. I'm not looking to die for no reason.
[ but she already knows - that if there's a reason, he's also not afraid to ]
... but it's not because I don't care what anyone here thinks. I don't want to upset any of you, either. So... it's hard for me to know what to do, even if I know I don't need to decide right now.
but yves will squeeze her hand once ]
... I won't do anything reckless. If his soul's lost, we don't know I'd go to the same place. I'm not looking to die for no reason.
[ but she already knows - that if there's a reason, he's also not afraid to ]
... but it's not because I don't care what anyone here thinks. I don't want to upset any of you, either. So... it's hard for me to know what to do, even if I know I don't need to decide right now.
[a beautiful friendship]
That's what I'd say. There's no reason to decide now. Something unjust happened to him, and at the least, maybe we ought to see this through and find out why and make sure wherever they are, they're safe.
[but if at the end he doesn't want to go back, that's his business.]
That's what I'd say. There's no reason to decide now. Something unjust happened to him, and at the least, maybe we ought to see this through and find out why and make sure wherever they are, they're safe.
[but if at the end he doesn't want to go back, that's his business.]
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